Hope vs. Trust?

[MakersDozn]

Hi, The People,

The People Wrote:We really get what your T says. Once I attended a talk given by a man. I think he was mostly speaking about the B word but he isn't into labels. He talked about folks like us and how trust usually came in percentages. That made sense to me. He said that when you have been hurt as badly as we have the trust was an ever moving marker. Almost like a thermometer. And if they do one small thing, even without meaning to hurt us, the thermometer drops down.

Yes. Some folks here at MM have referred to this as having a "trust-ometer." It's kind of like a speedometer. For someone like me, who tends to see things in black-and-white, it takes a great deal to understand the concept of shades of gray. I feel in extremes. I hope in extremes, and I expect things in extremes. So it's no wonder (except to me, of course), that I end up disappointed so easily and so often.

The People Wrote:[...]I remember learning a concept in a psych class one time and it just jumped out at me. The very good prof talked about how we often have people in various groups. We are the centrepiece and most people have a few people in there with them. A good spouse, a best friend, kids and grandkids... Then in B are people they work with every day and trust on a general level but not as much as those in the A circle. Then there is the C circle; people we see at church or social occasions where we might say "I lie your dress" "are you still with the same law firm?"[...]If we see them at Safeway we say hello and hold the door for them coming out of the mall. They might work in another area of we are in a large office. I cannot remember if there was a D circle.

We have very few people, if any, in our A circle. Even some of the others inside aren't in some of the others' A circles. But that's the nature of relationships in general, and our inside relationships reflect our outside ones.

The People Wrote:[...]I happen to like it when someone moves from a C to a B circle. More socializing, more people to talk to.[...]I have a friend from my B circle visiting from out of town. We worked together and we moved to this city at separate times. We share a lot of opinions and humour and she is comfortable to be around. [...]That gives me hope. That is progress. Because I know that there are others out there like this friend.[...]Fear makes me want to leave them in the C circle but hope makes me want them in my B circle. Will anyone ever fully make it into A? I don't know. But if I have enough Bs and my kitties I will be OK.

[...]A friend's husband came home from H today after heart surgery. I think there must be a b- circle as they are neither B nor C. We are good to each other but I am not the one they turn to when they need help and they have too much on their own plates to nurture me.

We're glad that you appreciate the opportunity to socialize more with peole who enter your B circle. You've mentioned that you're an extravert. About three-quarters of us, me included, are introverts. So our B circle is fairly small, even with the people we see every day. Of the 250-300 people in our office, maybe about a half-dozen at most make it to the inner area of our B circle. Another dozen or two, mostly those in our department, would be farther out in the B circle, perhaps the "B-minus" people that you mention.

Our C circle would include the remainder of our co-workers, as well as relatives outside our immediate family. On the outer boundary would be people we see frequently but have little or no direct interaction with. As for the D circle, there are those with us who would definitely say one exists....It would include strangers, and particularly anyone we feel the need to put up our defenses against. Which is a lot of people, unfortunately.

The People Wrote:[...]So while I am sad that I don't have an A team... I am babbling but I hope that what I said made sense.

Yes, you make a great deal of sense. And thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. I appreciate it.

Take care,

Charity