Quandary (MT...Loss in FOO)

[MakersDozn]

S

C

R

O

L

L

I

N

G

As you may know, our father passed away about seven months ago, and we were devastated by this loss. Our life is only now beginning to regain some sense of "normalcy" after dealing with the estate, while at the same time juggling all of our other problems.

Last night we received word that our uncle (mother's brother) died last Saturday. We had not spoken to him since our mother passed away nearly 15 years ago. While we have no proof that our uncle was an abuser, he was a first-class @$$hole and a creep. We've wanted him dead for years.

Yet we get no satisfaction from hearing the news that it's finally happened. It's as if we expected that we would feel like celebrating, and we don't. And it bothers us that it bothers us. When our grandmother (who definitely abused our mother) died in 2006, we were unequivocally glad. But this time we're stuck in a mixed bag of conflicting feelings.

Add to the mix the fact that our mother's extended family is very large, and they spread such news via email chain. How are we supposed to respond to any of these people? "Thanks for your sympathy, but I've wanted him dead for years"? Nobody's emailed us with condolences, but it's bound to happen, and we want to be prepared for it.

And another thing: Our uncle lived with his partner of approximately 30 years. We have absolutely nothing against his partner except, of course, his choice of companions. So we're stuck trying to decide on whether we should send the partner any sort of condolence. Has his opinion of us been colored by the fact that we've ignored our uncle all these years? We don't know how to resolve this either.

Sigh.

Laura and others