connecting more with headmates

[kittyfamily]

I only hear from them occaisonally now
I have heard from kitty ,she says she is ok with me getting people to use my name and male pronouns as long as I don't change my body
My 12 year old headmate is often mean to me. They (I'm actually unsure about their gender right now so that's why the they/them pronouns) keep telling me I'm a bad person for various reasons and calling me a girl and she (and I know it's on purpose because lily gets my pronouns right and she's six)
Often I know my headmates are influencing me but can't pinpoint their voices
sometimes I find myself having to remind myself that I'm multiple
I just feel disconnected from them
what can I do to understand what's going on in my head and who's there better?