https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/ Thu, 09 Apr 2026 09:58:43 +0000 MyBB https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2963 Fri, 09 Apr 2021 05:41:50 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2963
And today I got a greeting card from the friend in question. She apologized, asked how I am and said she would like to be pen pals( yes old school with letters which would be physically difficult for us to do. When I tried calling her my number was still blocked.

I do plan to write her at least once and ask her why I am blocked if “ I didn’t do anything wrong”. But do I tell her that her lack of communication made us able ( with some difficulty) to convince a T that recoding memories might have been the only way to prevent an emergency? Does she really want to know that we went on the scenic trip through H*ll?

On the upside thanks to Covid the T wasn’t seeing people in person so he created a custom recording that we used and could reuse again if the need ever arises but that’s like saying if I ever have to amputate something else it should go better because I have some experience now]]>
And today I got a greeting card from the friend in question. She apologized, asked how I am and said she would like to be pen pals( yes old school with letters which would be physically difficult for us to do. When I tried calling her my number was still blocked.

I do plan to write her at least once and ask her why I am blocked if “ I didn’t do anything wrong”. But do I tell her that her lack of communication made us able ( with some difficulty) to convince a T that recoding memories might have been the only way to prevent an emergency? Does she really want to know that we went on the scenic trip through H*ll?

On the upside thanks to Covid the T wasn’t seeing people in person so he created a custom recording that we used and could reuse again if the need ever arises but that’s like saying if I ever have to amputate something else it should go better because I have some experience now]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2962 Fri, 26 Feb 2021 03:09:42 -0800 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2962
Also, you keep bugging us about the birthday. And we keep trying to subtly tell you that we feel up for doing Naff-all at the moment. What part of “ we are grieving right now” Do you find so difficult to understand? We are fairly certain that leaving a birthday uncelebrated will not be the direct cause of the end of the world as we know it and if it is, well we aren’t going to feel to bad about it. So in short please pick a direction and naff off in it!
Thanks dreamers teens]]>
Also, you keep bugging us about the birthday. And we keep trying to subtly tell you that we feel up for doing Naff-all at the moment. What part of “ we are grieving right now” Do you find so difficult to understand? We are fairly certain that leaving a birthday uncelebrated will not be the direct cause of the end of the world as we know it and if it is, well we aren’t going to feel to bad about it. So in short please pick a direction and naff off in it!
Thanks dreamers teens]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2960 Mon, 04 Jan 2021 22:23:05 -0800 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2960
Our mom says that we don’t want to come across as bothersome but I don’t see how sending flowers or her birthday could be seen like that especially if we don’t contact her again before that]]>
Our mom says that we don’t want to come across as bothersome but I don’t see how sending flowers or her birthday could be seen like that especially if we don’t contact her again before that]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2957 Tue, 29 Sep 2020 06:13:17 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2957 Anyway just wondering if anyone else has a system full of people who want to tell Lucky to pick a direction and F-off in it.]]> Anyway just wondering if anyone else has a system full of people who want to tell Lucky to pick a direction and F-off in it.]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2956 Wed, 23 Sep 2020 22:39:30 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2956 Kayla ( 4 dreamers)]]> Kayla ( 4 dreamers)]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2953 Sun, 09 Aug 2020 19:04:38 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2953
The fantasies about being the jock's g/f can quickly turn into a nightmare. And so often towns protect them because they will bring home the trophy and their grandfather was somebody important.

The issue isn't getting better. Kids are drinking younger and taking more risks. They cannot bring themselves to change their phones or even turn it off.

SA happens. Friends of the boys blame them. Girs don't support them.

Such a time to be young!]]>
The fantasies about being the jock's g/f can quickly turn into a nightmare. And so often towns protect them because they will bring home the trophy and their grandfather was somebody important.

The issue isn't getting better. Kids are drinking younger and taking more risks. They cannot bring themselves to change their phones or even turn it off.

SA happens. Friends of the boys blame them. Girs don't support them.

Such a time to be young!]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2950 Fri, 07 Aug 2020 02:21:12 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2950 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2947 Fri, 31 Jul 2020 19:47:16 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2947
he gotta pupy who in bad shape. rikets. blind. so much bad.

my bigs let me woch this show cause they too like pets. but they hate I took to them aminals. they say they can here me but I think they noi acourag them. i don't like went they die.

bigs wery nabors thinkwe crasy. well wear. but I jest wont a dog. i would take a blind dog. maya get blindwen old she still no bunny across that stret.
she liked her sister an say why yo on my bed? She gon now. She why I wont doggee.

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he gotta pupy who in bad shape. rikets. blind. so much bad.

my bigs let me woch this show cause they too like pets. but they hate I took to them aminals. they say they can here me but I think they noi acourag them. i don't like went they die.

bigs wery nabors thinkwe crasy. well wear. but I jest wont a dog. i would take a blind dog. maya get blindwen old she still no bunny across that stret.
she liked her sister an say why yo on my bed? She gon now. She why I wont doggee.

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There is a long story behind that statement. To do with family. I only had 2 small glasses of wine.

After telling me I made a fool of him he asked me (I forget) I said that I was going to go home and calm down. At that point he started chasing an electric scooter. He was like a mad man, yelling "you're not supposed to ride on the sidewalks! It says so on the machine!" I was so glad he forgot about me long enough for me to get on the bus.

I had my phone turned off but he called at least 5 times. Probably he passed out after that.

My friend fell last week. She didn't have her buzzing thing on but it would have gone to him and he would have been too drunk to hear the phone. She needs to be in a home but she refuses to go and he doesn't want her to go. Not because he wants her there. He relies on her money and doesn't want her to spend his inheritance.

I feel the need to speak up on this. I cannot be around him anymore. He appalls me. He is not capable of looking after her beyond cooking. Imagine the drugs he is on and mixing that with hard liquor. I am overwhelmed. He is a b*st*rd.

When I wouldn't allow him to take me home he yelled "we are almost all you have!"

I have real friends. I have my cat. I would rather have nothing than to have him. He is worse than nothing. However, I am the sole sane person that checks on her regularly. I am her friend. But she comes with him. I so worry about her. I am at a loss as to what to do.]]>
There is a long story behind that statement. To do with family. I only had 2 small glasses of wine.

After telling me I made a fool of him he asked me (I forget) I said that I was going to go home and calm down. At that point he started chasing an electric scooter. He was like a mad man, yelling "you're not supposed to ride on the sidewalks! It says so on the machine!" I was so glad he forgot about me long enough for me to get on the bus.

I had my phone turned off but he called at least 5 times. Probably he passed out after that.

My friend fell last week. She didn't have her buzzing thing on but it would have gone to him and he would have been too drunk to hear the phone. She needs to be in a home but she refuses to go and he doesn't want her to go. Not because he wants her there. He relies on her money and doesn't want her to spend his inheritance.

I feel the need to speak up on this. I cannot be around him anymore. He appalls me. He is not capable of looking after her beyond cooking. Imagine the drugs he is on and mixing that with hard liquor. I am overwhelmed. He is a b*st*rd.

When I wouldn't allow him to take me home he yelled "we are almost all you have!"

I have real friends. I have my cat. I would rather have nothing than to have him. He is worse than nothing. However, I am the sole sane person that checks on her regularly. I am her friend. But she comes with him. I so worry about her. I am at a loss as to what to do.]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2941 Thu, 02 Jul 2020 12:09:07 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2941
In Cnada there is black prejudice but in Western Canada a lot of it is against the Indigenous or Canadian Indian as they were once called.

When Canadafirst became a country in 1867, the first Prime Minister decided that all of the kids should be snatched from their homes and put into residential schools. Many died of starvation and other things. There was SA and other kinds. They could only speak English. When they were finally allowed to go home their parents couldn't even talk to them.

They do have an issue with Alcoholism. There is a biological reason for that and white people introduced it to them. It is a huge issue. However, many from that culture have really given up on life. Others try to fight but the prejudice is horrid.

My PDoc is very prejudiced. The subject came up the other day and she was so bad I had to tell her to change the subject. She is of no use to me anyway. I see her for my ED but she doesn't even deal with it anymore. She knows nothing about DID and since the two are intertwined it is challenging. I am at a loss. I hate prejudice. Especially when it was so open. And inappropriate.]]>
In Cnada there is black prejudice but in Western Canada a lot of it is against the Indigenous or Canadian Indian as they were once called.

When Canadafirst became a country in 1867, the first Prime Minister decided that all of the kids should be snatched from their homes and put into residential schools. Many died of starvation and other things. There was SA and other kinds. They could only speak English. When they were finally allowed to go home their parents couldn't even talk to them.

They do have an issue with Alcoholism. There is a biological reason for that and white people introduced it to them. It is a huge issue. However, many from that culture have really given up on life. Others try to fight but the prejudice is horrid.

My PDoc is very prejudiced. The subject came up the other day and she was so bad I had to tell her to change the subject. She is of no use to me anyway. I see her for my ED but she doesn't even deal with it anymore. She knows nothing about DID and since the two are intertwined it is challenging. I am at a loss. I hate prejudice. Especially when it was so open. And inappropriate.]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2939 Wed, 01 Jul 2020 20:42:44 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2939 When I say I’m looking for topical ibuprofen that is the exact f-ing thing I want. I’m not looking for bio freeze or whatever the hell perform cooling gel is or ars*n*c or anything else!

This might be a surprise to you but we can read medical journals and we know that topical ibuprofen has been demonstrated to help with a particular skin issue we are having. So, no other arthritis cream is of interest yet. Ask us again when we are 90.
Just ordered ibuprofen gel from eBay from Australia because somehow the topical version isn’t approved here yet although the pills have been otc before we were born. It’s got to be a money issue. If topical ars*n*c is otc, they obviously aren’t too concerned with safety or anything important like that]]> When I say I’m looking for topical ibuprofen that is the exact f-ing thing I want. I’m not looking for bio freeze or whatever the hell perform cooling gel is or ars*n*c or anything else!

This might be a surprise to you but we can read medical journals and we know that topical ibuprofen has been demonstrated to help with a particular skin issue we are having. So, no other arthritis cream is of interest yet. Ask us again when we are 90.
Just ordered ibuprofen gel from eBay from Australia because somehow the topical version isn’t approved here yet although the pills have been otc before we were born. It’s got to be a money issue. If topical ars*n*c is otc, they obviously aren’t too concerned with safety or anything important like that]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2936 Fri, 19 Jun 2020 16:44:18 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2936
What her 'enough point' was, came as a result of one of me struggling with feelings about her close friends that she has (they are a couple). They spend a lot of time with couple friends but had less and less time for me.

It was coming. I remember when my sister died. One of her closest friends lost her only sister shortly thereafter. She barely brought up the loss of my sister. No matter how distant we have been. I still feel the loss of that little sister that I used to push around in grocery boxes once they were emptied. I have an image in my head and wish I could draw.

Anyway, I seem to collect friends who don't have other friends. Some of them can be very wearing at times. These 2 are normal people with lives that are so different from mine. I envy their lives.Their no fear way of travelling. Their roots and wings way of parenting.

So, now that I know how they feel about me (and Idon't blame them) they are part of the past.

For F#ck sake will people come back? I need people around me where I don't stand out as the weird one. Or do I? I hate me right now.

People understand ordinary depression even though that is difficult too. but it is hard to understand DID! I need to get that book done but it is hard right now. This has been a real blow.

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What her 'enough point' was, came as a result of one of me struggling with feelings about her close friends that she has (they are a couple). They spend a lot of time with couple friends but had less and less time for me.

It was coming. I remember when my sister died. One of her closest friends lost her only sister shortly thereafter. She barely brought up the loss of my sister. No matter how distant we have been. I still feel the loss of that little sister that I used to push around in grocery boxes once they were emptied. I have an image in my head and wish I could draw.

Anyway, I seem to collect friends who don't have other friends. Some of them can be very wearing at times. These 2 are normal people with lives that are so different from mine. I envy their lives.Their no fear way of travelling. Their roots and wings way of parenting.

So, now that I know how they feel about me (and Idon't blame them) they are part of the past.

For F#ck sake will people come back? I need people around me where I don't stand out as the weird one. Or do I? I hate me right now.

People understand ordinary depression even though that is difficult too. but it is hard to understand DID! I need to get that book done but it is hard right now. This has been a real blow.

  doll lost.jpg (Size: 152.05 KB / Downloads: 10) ]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2931 Tue, 09 Jun 2020 10:37:53 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2931
I am listening to this and thinking of my book. Who the hell will believe me? If any of my family read it they would deny it although my plan was to use a pseudonym. The people who were supposed to help me (my T and another person) never got to it. I tried to tell T she didn't have time. She cancelled last week stating that she was sick. I think she just didn't get to the reading. Or all of it. I have always trusted her but latele...

I also got angry with something else. I never used to let people come into my home. I let that change lately. This despite the fact that I am still a very messy housekeeper.

Contrary to that expression 'they come to see you, not your house' those who come, judge. So last night I got fed up. One woman was babbling away and she called my house 'dirty.' Well f*ck her! I have been trying to keep things better. My bathroom is cleaned at least every few days although it draws in dust like a hoover vacuum. The rest of the house is the same.I dust and it is back. I bring home groceries in carry bags and they end up being left. Another visitor said she couldn't stand it any longer and got up to tidy one night. There is a whole long story to go with that but why bother.

When my visiting cat's parents drop her ooff they look at the piles of papers that never get put away. They don't say anything but look very confused. My furniture is old and banged up. I used to have really nice stuff but over the years everything got ruined from floods and bedbugs and 8 moves. I think I just gave up. I try and suddenly I look around and everything is just as it was.

But why come if it drives you crazy/ Just f*ck off.

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I am listening to this and thinking of my book. Who the hell will believe me? If any of my family read it they would deny it although my plan was to use a pseudonym. The people who were supposed to help me (my T and another person) never got to it. I tried to tell T she didn't have time. She cancelled last week stating that she was sick. I think she just didn't get to the reading. Or all of it. I have always trusted her but latele...

I also got angry with something else. I never used to let people come into my home. I let that change lately. This despite the fact that I am still a very messy housekeeper.

Contrary to that expression 'they come to see you, not your house' those who come, judge. So last night I got fed up. One woman was babbling away and she called my house 'dirty.' Well f*ck her! I have been trying to keep things better. My bathroom is cleaned at least every few days although it draws in dust like a hoover vacuum. The rest of the house is the same.I dust and it is back. I bring home groceries in carry bags and they end up being left. Another visitor said she couldn't stand it any longer and got up to tidy one night. There is a whole long story to go with that but why bother.

When my visiting cat's parents drop her ooff they look at the piles of papers that never get put away. They don't say anything but look very confused. My furniture is old and banged up. I used to have really nice stuff but over the years everything got ruined from floods and bedbugs and 8 moves. I think I just gave up. I try and suddenly I look around and everything is just as it was.

But why come if it drives you crazy/ Just f*ck off.

  different reality.jpg (Size: 83.83 KB / Downloads: 15) ]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2930 Mon, 08 Jun 2020 16:12:18 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2930
T took some of it home on a thumb drive a few weeks ago. T has a very busy schedule. She works 2 jobs and has kids at home. I think her nose was out of joint because old T (we haven't seen her in 15 years but she was the first one working with us for DID dx)

T canceled last week. Said she was sick. Tired? Hadn't had time to read? We meet on Wednesday.

Two watched Some of the various talent shows. There is a young woman named Kesha who was in a plane crash. She was 1 of 2 survivors and after many surgeries, she will always be scarred. Two compared her to us except we have our scars on the inside so we will never get the golden buzzer. (High sense of recognition of skills)

Today we watched Dr. Phil which is a bad idea on a good day. Today there was a woman who was so totally delusional that nobody would believe her story. Why Dr. Phil has these women on so people can roll their eyes is beyond me. However, he did find help for her some help.

The connection between the 2 issues? Self-doubt has increased. People here believe what I say because they have similar histories. However, will the public beleve it? I don't plan to use my birth name or town but it is quite possible that the family will figure out that it is my writing. They all deny. They won't even believe that my father was an alcoholic and he had a brain scan that showed the brain mush when he got dementia. So why write this book? And why continue with T? Nothing has changed ina long time. Not for the better. Some SI thoughts but what is new about that? I just want to walk away from it all. Live here with my kittyand meet people I don't even like that much for coffee. Exist.]]>
T took some of it home on a thumb drive a few weeks ago. T has a very busy schedule. She works 2 jobs and has kids at home. I think her nose was out of joint because old T (we haven't seen her in 15 years but she was the first one working with us for DID dx)

T canceled last week. Said she was sick. Tired? Hadn't had time to read? We meet on Wednesday.

Two watched Some of the various talent shows. There is a young woman named Kesha who was in a plane crash. She was 1 of 2 survivors and after many surgeries, she will always be scarred. Two compared her to us except we have our scars on the inside so we will never get the golden buzzer. (High sense of recognition of skills)

Today we watched Dr. Phil which is a bad idea on a good day. Today there was a woman who was so totally delusional that nobody would believe her story. Why Dr. Phil has these women on so people can roll their eyes is beyond me. However, he did find help for her some help.

The connection between the 2 issues? Self-doubt has increased. People here believe what I say because they have similar histories. However, will the public beleve it? I don't plan to use my birth name or town but it is quite possible that the family will figure out that it is my writing. They all deny. They won't even believe that my father was an alcoholic and he had a brain scan that showed the brain mush when he got dementia. So why write this book? And why continue with T? Nothing has changed ina long time. Not for the better. Some SI thoughts but what is new about that? I just want to walk away from it all. Live here with my kittyand meet people I don't even like that much for coffee. Exist.]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2929 Wed, 27 May 2020 23:04:40 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2929 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2925 Fri, 15 May 2020 01:42:24 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2925 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2924 Wed, 13 May 2020 17:35:29 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2924 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2923 Wed, 13 May 2020 16:58:45 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2923
Does anyone else do that thing? Where you are so busy looking you can not see?]]>
Does anyone else do that thing? Where you are so busy looking you can not see?]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2922 Mon, 11 May 2020 03:30:43 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2922
My role in people'slives seems to e about listening and not talking. I used to love it when that was my job but I had to quit a long time ago. Life just gets more and more empty.

Fluctuate b/t sad and angry. Thank goodness for my kitty.]]>
My role in people'slives seems to e about listening and not talking. I used to love it when that was my job but I had to quit a long time ago. Life just gets more and more empty.

Fluctuate b/t sad and angry. Thank goodness for my kitty.]]> https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2919 Fri, 08 May 2020 15:26:12 -0700 https://www.mosaicminds.org/forums/showthread.php?tid=2919
Yesterday I had it with my sister. She has this need to send me updates on things. Like how Covid 19 is doing in the province where we grew up. Or an update on a horrid event that took place a few months ago but is still being investigated. When the latter happened I stopped everything. I shut off Facebook as people need to play keep up volleyball when there is bad news.

I don't know but others but the things that make me the craziest are the things over which I have no control. So I avoid the news etc because it doesn't change anything by watching the same thing day after day.

What does my sister do? She sends me a copy of the front page f the NS newspaper. I told her not to do that.

I wrote to her after that to tell her that I am fine, just can't cope with the news. So when she sent another front page yesterday I lost it. I reminder that I had asked her twice not to update me. I can use a computer too.

She sent me a message saying she didn't have that in her memory. So I dug into the deleted files and reforwarded them to her. No response.

People tell me that I need to let things go. They have no idea how mch I have let things go over the years. She has been like this all our lives. Why should I let it go when I f*ck*ng asked her not to send me certain things as they upset me.

As well, I donated to the organization for the disease that is killing 2 of my brothers. Both were SA but I have let go of enough to have empathy for them. I sent her a copy of the donation receipt and asked her to send it to him. Brother calls crazy sister and asked for my #. She gave it to him without even asking me.

She lives in a fairy tale world where it will all end happily ever after. Years ago she told me a therapist said she had DID but it was never treated. It explains things but doesn't excuse them. I am from a large family. How can someone be a typical middle child despite having so many siblings!

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Yesterday I had it with my sister. She has this need to send me updates on things. Like how Covid 19 is doing in the province where we grew up. Or an update on a horrid event that took place a few months ago but is still being investigated. When the latter happened I stopped everything. I shut off Facebook as people need to play keep up volleyball when there is bad news.

I don't know but others but the things that make me the craziest are the things over which I have no control. So I avoid the news etc because it doesn't change anything by watching the same thing day after day.

What does my sister do? She sends me a copy of the front page f the NS newspaper. I told her not to do that.

I wrote to her after that to tell her that I am fine, just can't cope with the news. So when she sent another front page yesterday I lost it. I reminder that I had asked her twice not to update me. I can use a computer too.

She sent me a message saying she didn't have that in her memory. So I dug into the deleted files and reforwarded them to her. No response.

People tell me that I need to let things go. They have no idea how mch I have let things go over the years. She has been like this all our lives. Why should I let it go when I f*ck*ng asked her not to send me certain things as they upset me.

As well, I donated to the organization for the disease that is killing 2 of my brothers. Both were SA but I have let go of enough to have empathy for them. I sent her a copy of the donation receipt and asked her to send it to him. Brother calls crazy sister and asked for my #. She gave it to him without even asking me.

She lives in a fairy tale world where it will all end happily ever after. Years ago she told me a therapist said she had DID but it was never treated. It explains things but doesn't excuse them. I am from a large family. How can someone be a typical middle child despite having so many siblings!

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