New predictiment

[Tangled Web]

I have been seeing my new T for about 5 months now and I really like her. She is nice and I feel heard and supported when I am able to talk to her. Recently she has been mentioning about extending our sessions. She has dropped those little suggestions here and there and I have avoided them. I see her once a week right now for an hour. I sent her an email after last session explaining to her about how I don't have the money to extend our sessions right now and as it stands right now I might have to cancel one of our sessions during the month. This is an extremely difficult conversation to have so that is why we emailed her this. There would have been no way we could of had this conversation with her to face to face. Well she responded and said it would be a good idea to discuss what would work best for us next week. Well panic went right straight through me.
This is such a tricky conversation to have and things can be misconstrued so easily and it ends up being a damned if you do and a damned if you don't type of thing. And then we would have to clarify things, which we are never good at doing so we just end up believing what the majority thinks any ways.
I have been trying this week to uncomplicate things and get us to be open to what she has to say but it isn't working out so well.

First of all we have huge issues with accepting things from other people. We have been getting better with this but still have a very long way to go.
Ok this next part might not sound very rational at all but it is what it is.

If she suggests that we see her every other week only for extended sessions that will mean that she doesn't want to see us. And that the money is more important to her than the relationship. And with that comes the price tag and all the issues we have with that. Like for example, the only reason she cares is because we are paying her to care.
If she suggests that we see her and she will extend the sessions when she has the time without charging us, then it will be like we will owe her something if it is a conscious choice on her part and she informs me she is doing it because she wants to. If we go over the time frame and she mentions nothing to me it is ok. The thoughts still come into my head but they are not that strong and can be easily discarded because everyone goes over now and then and loses track of time. But if it turns out to be a gift, then we are looking for the price tag, and the strings attached to it.

So it turns out to be no win situation. And even though we try really hard to believe what she is saying, we are still waiting and looking for the strings or the price tag.

So this is the problem. I wish we could just her as often as we needed to and not have to worry about the money aspect of it but that is NOT our reality.
And now that this is out all I want to do is avoid the whole thing and tuck it all back inside, which still might be an option...........
Any ways this all I can say for now.
Thanks for listening
Tangled

[nats]

makes sense. we have money issues too - it's a no win. however, if you know you can't afford to go more often it IS ok to say exactly that and add that you're not comfortable accepting any freebies. whatever you choose to do, maybe try to think about if you chose it b/c you feel OK about it and not just to please your T or avoid having to deal with it. making the best out of a bad situation is still success...

[finlyalive]

We always wait for the other shoe to fall. Strings seem to always be attached. It is easier, though, when you have hold of the strings or the shoes.

[Tangled Web]

Very true.
TW

[Cammy]

I hate that whole thing with therapists where you have it always in the back of your mind about the money thing. I have to keep reminding myself that they are not 'hired friends for an hour'. Problem is you get attached to people. You constantly have to remind yourself of boundaries. Meantime they are the only living soul you have real contact with. It's hard and it's sad too. I forget it is a business /professional relationship and I get hurt sometimes because I forget. I expect more, but once the 50 minutes is up, there is no more. Still, I need my therapist from time to time to get perspective and professional advice. I also need the continuity of someone who knows the whole story and has been there since the beginning.

Igraine

[Silent Society]

Hi Ingraine. Something you said really resonated with me.

"they are the only living soul you have real contact with. "

That is so accurate. Makes the whole thing very complicated, doesnt it.

Tangled Web, I can completely relate to your dilema. I dont have any ideas, just want you to know I hear you. Hang in there.

[Tangled Web]

I agree with Silent Society Igraine that your words are very accurate and ring very true to me and well put. I have to remind myself ALL the time that she is NOT a hired friend and you are right that she is the only living soul I have real contact with, a connection. Well that is what I am working on having any ways. Thanks
Tangled