Confused

[Mira2286]

Ok, not sure if this would trigger anyone or not, so I'll give space to decide
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I am in my 50s and after years of therapy, T and I felt integration was complete. I've gone to school, completed an LPN course of study and waiting to begin the last year for my RN, a lifelong dream... Meanwhile, I've been seeing T every 3-6 months just as a way of checking in...kind of on maintenance. For the last several months I felt like we were more again, but thought I was making it up... Then for the last two visits T has quietly asked if I have been feeling any others... I didn't admit to it, but asked why she asked and she said she was just wondering. I'll talk to her about it at the next visit, but was wondering if this has happened to anyone else. I didn't expect it at all. Then I read dreamer's post and it sounded a little familiar, so I thought I would post. The new ones aren't familiar and I don't know if they remained hidden or what, but they're talking a lot and the confusion, neediness and arguing feels really familiar and all I can think is I can't go through this again... I can't put the rest of my life on hold again...
Sorry I rambled ...not sure how to say things succinctly.

[nats]

hi Mira (is it OK to call you this or do you prefer we include the 2286?),
you'll find all different kinds of community members here. some of us chose never to integrate, others chose to pursue it actively and some are open to either option. the reason for mentioning this is just to say that hearing the voices of needy others inside doesn't mean your life has to fall apart. it sounds like you're reaching for an important goal and maybe that's setting off a reaction inside. also sounds like you've spent a lot of time in healing and strengthening yourself/ves and are maybe in a much better position to relate to these new-sounding voices than you might have been in the early years.

i guess we're just trying to say that it may feel scary, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not something you can deal with. we're glad you posted.

[Mira2286]

(04-18-2013, 02:40 PM)nats Wrote: hi Mira (is it OK to call you this or do you prefer we include the 2286?),
you'll find all different kinds of community members here. some of us chose never to integrate, others chose to pursue it actively and some are open to either option. the reason for mentioning this is just to say that hearing the voices of needy others inside doesn't mean your life has to fall apart. it sounds like you're reaching for an important goal and maybe that's setting off a reaction inside. also sounds like you've spent a lot of time in healing and strengthening yourself/ves and are maybe in a much better position to relate to these new-sounding voices than you might have been in the early years.

i guess we're just trying to say that it may feel scary, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not something you can deal with. we're glad you posted.

Nats, I understand what you're saying... There's a part of me that knows I will get through this fine. It's another part(s) that are wanting to run the other direction. Even integrated, we're all still a part of the whole. I find myself surprised that there are others I knew nothing about. That, alone, is interesting. The scary part is will I have to go through more unknown memories. I had gotten to the point that I was ok with not knowing more. Very weird to know and not know at the same time.
Thank you for your reply. It is thought provoking.

[Mira2286]

(04-18-2013, 02:40 PM)nats Wrote: hi Mira (is it OK to call you this or do you prefer we include the 2286?),
you'll find all different kinds of community members here. some of us chose never to integrate, others chose to pursue it actively and some are open to either option. the reason for mentioning this is just to say that hearing the voices of needy others inside doesn't mean your life has to fall apart. it sounds like you're reaching for an important goal and maybe that's setting off a reaction inside. also sounds like you've spent a lot of time in healing and strengthening yourself/ves and are maybe in a much better position to relate to these new-sounding voices than you might have been in the early years.

i guess we're just trying to say that it may feel scary, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's not something you can deal with. we're glad you posted.

Nats, I understand what you're saying... There's a part of me that knows I will get through this fine. It's another part(s) that are wanting to run the other direction. Even integrated, we're all still a part of the whole. I find myself surprised that there are others I knew nothing about. That, alone, is interesting. The scary part is will I have to go through more unknown memories. I had gotten to the point that I was ok with not knowing more. Very weird to know and not know at the same time.
Thank you for your reply. It is thought provoking.
Oh, Mira is fine. We agreed to the name as a group.

[nats]

hi Mira,
what you're saying makes a lot of sense. we've come to accept there's a lot we'll never know and it would be very strange (at best) to suddenly need to process a lot of unexpected information. take it as easy as possible. hoping things will work themselves out smoothly.

[finlyalive]

Hi Mira2286,
One of the reasons I like this forum is that there are so many people here that are nearer my age. This old body will be 44 in a few days. It sounds like you have come a long way and that is really impressive. Personally, integration isn't a goal right now. Though there are some that share time, the loss of time is still frequent. Dealing with things and others has taken a backseat to everything and everyone.

Because of my lack of awareness of the others and who they are or why, there is no way to know who is new or who is just coming up to say something. But, I've wondered so many times if the newer voices that sounded different actually were different. It gets confusing and I'm talking in circles. But, I understand. I'm sorry I don't have an answer, but I do understand.

Kudos to you and all your hard work. It is nice to think there is another side to all of this chaos.

[Reilly]

Hi Mira 2286.
Thanks for posting. It really helps to feel less alone on this journey.
My son thought he knew all of his parts. Then recently new parts emerged bringing with them new information. Because he has already processed so many memories I am hoping the newest parts will be as successful. He prefers cooperative living as oppose to integration which is fine with me.
Be proud of your accomplishments! Nursing is a special field. Sending good thoughts your way!!!