Hypersensitive to criticism

[Cammy]

In an online dialogue with a T, she sent me back a critique of something I had written to her previously. In her critique she remarked that she was "weary of my plan." It was meant to read, "wary". Too late did this realization come. The word 'weary' went through me like a five alarm fire and triggered a massive cascade poop storm reaction. Still hasn't settled. Thoroughly upset. I can't believe how super sensitive I am to a little criticism...just a little, with a typo to boot. It's like the tiniest hint of criticism is enough to send me into paroxysms of ultra-upset. Wow! Ridiculous, I know, but there it is anyway. I couldn't even stop this once I realized the error. By then, the whole body of her remarks had become a dark labyrinth of criticism and that was that. Even now, knowing what I know, I can't change how it has made me feel. Way too sensitive and touchy, but what can one do?

[nats]

my job requires that i absorb a lot of criticism. we're also hypersensitive and every bit of it hurts - far more than the positive feedback helps, which is silly in a way . we hate being criticised hugely but we have to find ways to deal with it as regular formal and informal feedback is part of the job. this doesn't mean i have brilliant solutions - the main way of dealing with it is just practice, knowing that the last time didn't destroy us and this time probably won't either. then seeing if there is anything useful to be learnt from it or if it is someone reacting from their own issues. it has gotten a bit better..

[Cammy]

Well, I've had a little time to figure this one out. I once got blamed for something really terrible that I had nothing to do with (and I mean REALLY terrible). My response to criticism is overblown way out of proportion, which tells me that the criticism is triggering a past issue. Now that I think I've made the connection, I can work on looking at future criticism more realistically and work on not reacting to it based on the triggering of a past trauma. I've done this type of correction successfully before, but it requires recognizing what it is that I'm really reacting to. So, now I'm half way there. The rest is about keeping my eyes and ears open, and watching myself the next time I experience a strong reaction like this one. It takes time and work, but these things can be corrected.

Thanks for your post nats and your frank remarks. It was very much appreciated. I can well imagine that with your job you encounter some negative and unpleasant feedback, and I admire your strength in being able to keep it all in such good perspective even though it still causes you personal pain.

[nats]

hi Igraine,
that makes a lot of sense. didn't even click at all that it might be triggering something. well done for working this out! we often say the first thing that pops into our head, so please just say if we are too frank or blunt .

how are you doing?

[Cammy]

I'm hanging in there. Due to a mix up I haven't had my meds since Thursday, so it has been QUITE a weekend. Meds that had a warning label that read, "Caution - Do not discontinue the use of this medication suddenly". Right. Thanks. I know that. Explain it to the flat tire on the way to the D appointment. Actually, in some dark comedy way this almost seems funny now. ALMOST. I should get this all sorted out by tomorrow, or at least find out what went wrong. Once I receive this info, I'll work things from there one way or another. I picked a heck of a weekend to quit smoking (using the rapid reduction method using nicotine gum). It seems every time I try to quit there's ALWAYS something - major depression, major anxiety, tsunami, war in the middle east, plague of mosquitoes, whatever. And there will ALWAYS be something, so I just went ahead with my quit plans, meds or no meds, back-to-back panic attacks or no panic attacks. Even then, the hardest part of this whole weekend is that you can't chew, chew, chew the nicotine gum. You have to chew, chew, then park the gum in your cheek for a minute. I love to chew, chew, chew, chew, chew...just like that big animal that moos. Luckily this stuff is a bit gross so it doesn't inspire as much chewing as normal gum. (There's that gum-in-cheek dark humor again). So it's YIKES, sigh, pace, shake, cry, chew-chew-park, and then repeat as needed.

[nats]

hi Igraine,
glad you're finding ways to manage this weekend. wow, good for you trying to quit smoking - most people i know say they want to quit but always have an excuse why they aren't quitting. shame the gum isn't nicer but hopefully it will do the job!

[Cammy]

nats...thanks for the encouragement. They used to put Aspartame in all this Nicotine replacement stuff. I'm really allergic to it, so I never had the benefit of all these quit aids before. Now they use mostly Xylitol (but read the label) so I suddenly have pastilles and gum, and even patch-gum combo packs. It's been a real help, plus I'm tapering off rather than going cold turkey...big difference for me. It's working great.

[nats]

fantastic! really hope it continues to go so well . well done for getting your meds sorted yesterday - glad you can recover from that nightmare now.

[Cammy]

Thanks nats. Actually got 12 hours sleep last night. Looking for the same tonight. Feel SO much better. All the anxiety and panic are totally erased...all because of a tiny white pill. Saw T today. He told me that for my level of anxiety/panic disorder that meds are the first line choice. Therapy and meditation are helpful, but only meds will make it stop. And stop it has. Phew...such a relief...and I didn't have to call 911 once (almost, but not quite). Igraine is very much better now.

[nats]

(04-09-2013, 11:58 PM)Igraine Wrote: ...Igraine is very much better now.

very happy to hear it .

[Melody]

Hi! I'm Melody. I am very impressed by your ability to rationalize issues. That's something I need to work at. We get our feelings(what seems like all the time) I think it's from being so badly criticized and mentally abused. I try to talk my way through it in my head. However while I'm doing that another incident happens. I guess it's just a matter of constantly retraining my mind. You have a lot of good perspective that's COOL!

[Elizabethn]

Yikers, what a trigger! I don't know if "wary" is any better than "weary" for you in context, but I totally get how the trigger/freakout/cascade thing happens. UGH.