Newbie on the block

[Catherine0791]

Hi there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

[MakersDozn]

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Catherine, nice to meet you. We ourselves are multiple, as are most of the community here, but there are a few singleton members. We also have at least one member who's a multiple in a relationship with another multiple.

Speaking from our own experience....we're not in a relationship and have never really had one....we'd say that the best thing you can do for your BF is to take care of you. Are you comfortable with multiplicity, and with being around your BF's others? And if his others don't feel like coming out in your presence, are you comfortable with this as well?

We say this because people here in this community have a variety of approaches to how they factor their multiplicity into their external relationship(s). Some folks don't want their insiders to come out around other outside people. Other folks (like us) wish that we could be ourselves and come out more around outsiders who are important to us.

So....would you like to tell a little about yourself? If you don't, that's okay. We hope you feel comfortable here.

MDs

[sharon/treehouse family]

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: Hi there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

hi Catherine,

my name is Debbie I'm in the tree house family. I'm a Inner (one of a multiple). we go by our hosts name (sharon) people that is around us don't understand. Some of us come out to one person but others wont for different reasons. Most of us come out here. because we can relate to everything. This place is a great place to get information and support for advice or question and just to talk your day, good or bad.

welcome aboard hope you feel comfortable. I look forward to get to know you and your boyfriend.

debbie/ tree house family

[Tangled Web]

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: Hi there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Catherine. Nice to meet you. My advice to you is to just go slow.....this is a process and trying to do it too quickly and understand everything all at once can get extremely overwhelming. Pace yourself.......and take care.
Tangled

[Dreamscapes Collectives]

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: Hi there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

Hello Catherine. We are multi and so is our partner. It makes things very interesting and sometimes very hard when we are both having a hard time. Then it kinda sucks. But we figure all relationships have ups and downs and since we love them and they love us we work it out.

I guess the first thing I would say is no matter how much you love your boyfriend, when things are going hard for him/them just remember that you can't just *fix* him. And like MDs aid, take are of you. It's the only way that you'll be able to be supportive.

Hope to see you around. Welcome.

Realms peoples

[Catherine0791]

(07-14-2012, 05:54 PM)MakersDozn Wrote:

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

Hi Catherine, nice to meet you. We ourselves are multiple, as are most of the community here, but there are a few singleton members. We also have at least one member who's a multiple in a relationship with another multiple.

Speaking from our own experience....we're not in a relationship and have never really had one....we'd say that the best thing you can do for your BF is to take care of you. Are you comfortable with multiplicity, and with being around your BF's others? And if his others don't feel like coming out in your presence, are you comfortable with this as well?

We say this because people here in this community have a variety of approaches to how they factor their multiplicity into their external relationship(s). Some folks don't want their insiders to come out around other outside people. Other folks (like us) wish that we could be ourselves and come out more around outsiders who are important to us.

So....would you like to tell a little about yourself? If you don't, that's okay. We hope you feel comfortable here.

MDs

Hi MDs,

My BF is the first multi I've met but so far everything's ok. I actually met a couple of them before he knew for certain he was multi. They all seem ok with me so far but it's only been about a week and a half since this all came out.

As for me, I'm a 21 year old Drama student and my BF's a 19 year old Physics student. There's one or two of his others that don't particularly want to come out but that's ok with both me and him. There's another one that just wants me to take care of her when she comes out as she's only 5. It's all just a lot to take in and I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can as I know this has come as a major upheaval to him as well.

[Catherine0791]

(07-14-2012, 11:13 PM)sharon/treehouse family Wrote:

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: Hi there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

hi Catherine,

my name is Debbie I'm in the tree house family. I'm a Inner (one of a multiple). we go by our hosts name (sharon) people that is around us don't understand. Some of us come out to one person but others wont for different reasons. Most of us come out here. because we can relate to everything. This place is a great place to get information and support for advice or question and just to talk your day, good or bad.

welcome aboard hope you feel comfortable. I look forward to get to know you and your boyfriend.

debbie/ tree house family

Thank you Debbie,

I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone here as well. I've given my boyfriend the link to the site and hopefully he can find some useful information here too

[The People]

(07-13-2012, 06:27 PM)Catherine0791 Wrote: Hi there everyone.

My boyfriend and I have recently discovered he has DID and we're both just trying to figure things out. And advice for starting out would be greatly appreciated.

[The People]

Fr us it was very scary at first. It has been quite a while now and although things got worse sometimes over all they are so much better.

There is a book out called 'Room'. It is not about DID. However, it is written from a child's perspective. Although it has some darkness about it I found it to be a strong resemblance b/t the book and coming out multiple. discovering what is real and what is not real. for us it was good. not graphic for the most part; just inferred.

If your boyfriend could come and learn to talk themselves that would be helpful for them. we also found that reading autobiographies of multioples more helpful than trying to read text type stuff.

the most helpful tool for us was this place. no question was too stupid and many people will be able to relate to what yyou are going through. the size of the group grows and shrinks with time but we have hung on. There are no rules on how often you can come and it is easy to just drop by and read for a while. both you and your guy.

Take good care. Some of it is actually amusing.

[MakersDozn]

(07-17-2012, 11:48 AM)Catherine0791 Wrote: Hi MDs,

My BF is the first multi I've met but so far everything's ok. I actually met a couple of them before he knew for certain he was multi. They all seem ok with me so far but it's only been about a week and a half since this all came out.

As for me, I'm a 21 year old Drama student and my BF's a 19 year old Physics student. There's one or two of his others that don't particularly want to come out but that's ok with both me and him. There's another one that just wants me to take care of her when she comes out as she's only 5. It's all just a lot to take in and I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can as I know this has come as a major upheaval to him as well.

We're glad to hear that your BF's insiders generally feel comfortable around you.

As for the five-year-old in your BF's system....we know how it feels to have younger ones wanting to be cared for by someone on the outside.

Our therapist has helped us a great deal in learning how to take care of each other on the inside. Does your BF have a therapist?

MDs

[sharon/treehouse family]

there's a book called "Among Us" also, could be use full to help understand. It's written by a physiologist and her partner is D.I.D. That could be helpful too.

Everything can be very overwhelming at first, your BF is so lucky to have someone like you to support him/inners and be comfortable when you are around.

kathleen