Speed of Processing
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FreyasSpirit Offline
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#1
Speed of Processing
We are curious at what speed others process their past. In particular, we have very little access to memories from elementary school and expect to dig up quite a bit when we do decide to look at those memories. We have a technique, view memories in first person to bring out the headmate who experienced those memories. This then grants us access to memories temporally close to when that headmate was fronting.

We used this once to accidentally gain access to elementary school memories. That time, we only looked at happy memories. We feel like we have all the tools we need to dive deeply into many more memories, but have been fairly cautious. We do not wish to upset our current stability or ability to hold a job by bringing out more than we can handle. At the same time, we do wish to look at those memories at some point and do not want to delay this indefinitely in the name of short term stability.

How do other beings determine whether they are ready and able to look at and process more of their past?
06-06-2015, 05:37 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#2
Friendship/Support  RE: Speed of Processing
Hello, FreyasSpirt. Some of the others have welcomed you on one of the other boards, but I wanted to reply to this topic, as it's highly meaningful to me.

I hope that you'll bear with me as I provide a bit of context. We are a non-host system that operates on a few basic beliefs, one of which is that once the first insider is formed, the original person ceases to exist as such. We prefer the word "formed" to the word "split," as the latter has a connotation of "brokenness" and irreversibility. "Formed" represents a process much like the use of clay or sand, which are more flexible.

Our first formation (or differentiation) occurred in infancy and resulted in the presence of baby amanda (who is still an infant) and me. She held physical sensations, and I held thoughts and feelings. I aged with the body until we turned 25, and I have remained at this age since.

As the oldest in our system (both in age and in arrival time) and the holder of most (but not all) of our trauma, I have the most to process in order to heal. And the individual healing work of anyone in our system affects the collective healing of the whole system.

So, this is my lengthy way of saying that my/our speed of healing will likely never be fast enough to suit me or the others, but it's as fast as is safe for us. Our therapist does a very good job of keeping us on track. We have to remember to be patient, and deal only with what we're ready to deal with right now.

I hope this helps answer your question.

Charity (with help from one or two others)
06-07-2015, 01:21 PM
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Unity Offline
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#3
RE: Speed of Processing
One thing that i think is important to be able to remember memory is to feel safe about whatever happenned then, and to be in a environment that is safe regarding the issue too, otherwise the shock of remembering and re integrating in an environment when the trigger are present can be harder to take than if i am in a safe place with a good surrounding.

Whenever there is some kind of stress around, especially if the stress is related to the issue you try to remember/reintegrate, it will necessarily push it away even more in the sake of keeping functioning 'normally' . and not having suddently all kind of weird reaction to plenty of things in your environment.

I think it's in large part why some memory only start to surface at latter age at 25-30 or after when the person has reached a place of enough safety and people of trust etc rather than when the person is still in or close to the abusive environment.
(This post was last modified: 06-08-2015, 07:18 AM by Unity.)
06-08-2015, 07:12 AM
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Tangled Web Offline
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#4
RE: Speed of Processing
Being cautious is a very good thing FreyasSpirit. When we actually plan to look at our past we try really hard to make sure we don't open up too many things at the same time. It can be a delicate balancing act. We find giving yourself permission to step away from it for a period of time to regroup is often helpful instead of pushing forward. One of the things we learned awhile ago is even though I might be ready to see or hear what has happened that doesn't mean the one who holds the memory is so having good communication and trust is important with the other people inside. Other memories can trigger other things and in our world things can snowball rather quickly. I find keeping a journal of things that might come up that needs to be looked at but not at the current time other things are happening and it gets written down to go back and look at it when things are more stable. We used to try to rush through things for the sake of progress but try really hard to not do that anymore. We spend so much time trying to put everything back together and become stable again that the memory or work we have done gets lost in the rebuilding.
Nice to meet you btw. Glad you came to MM.
TW
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
06-08-2015, 11:12 AM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#5
Agree  RE: Speed of Processing
Yes, TW. I too have to keep reminding myself that it's okay to step away from the process when I need to. It is indeed a delicate balancing act.

Charity
06-08-2015, 11:46 AM
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Unity Offline
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#6
RE: Speed of Processing
All the person i know who had memory brutally retrigered either because some court case had to take place, or  because of flash due to life event, or  other circumstance, it always been pretty bad for them, and often took month or years to really recover from this point, for me it's more there that i needed badly some kind of support, it's a period i had a pneumonia too, a friend that i still see he is a bit the person who pulled me out of ton of things and helped me to sort my mind out, it all has been trigered by meeting another person and certain circumstances, even a friend told me i should avoid to talk to her because it will remind me of all  bad things, but i couldn't help it and things were coming in anyway, it was very bad  this period, specially that many other bad things were pilling up like aggressions and other mess, when this friend met me the first i was in very bad state craying all day zero energy in half panic all the time, and i was also taking pain killer that i had for the pneumonia that i didn't at this time to calm down everything, it was weird, even if many things happened long ago, and i was a bit on high activity all the time + drugs + isolation/compartmentalization, i didn't take time to process many things. But as i started to become active on some spiritual board that another survivor friend shown to me, but it was weird cause really lot of people there had issue with child hood abuse/trauma,  and speaking also about certain spiritual topics or things that are a bit typical of this even if i didn't realize everything back then, but it's the mix of working on spiritual/psychological issue and meeting other people, and realizing many things in several step, at the end i was really not well at all.

But same it all started to come back at a point when i moved from the place, and i was starting a new job, and trying to socialize a bit with more "normal" peoples, and when i was already in place of more safety and more stability.

Actually most of this kind of reaction just ended just a bit after i joined this site and connected things together, same it was pretty bad these past week for me (bad like i was looking so miserable the indian at the shop offered me a cig lol), but now i feel so good lol

I think the same is happening to another friend who also had issue with child hood abuse etc and i showed her things on this site and explained her a few things, and i guess it tregered also a psychological reaction on her, she started to dig back many of the site or forum she has been active on saying it was 'like waking up from a life trip' lol well i guess she handle it, but she has been through some very rough things too a bit in the same period than me, and she is more in a quiet place now i think too, and she seem able to deal with this, even if she seemed to bad trip a bit at first =)
(This post was last modified: 06-08-2015, 05:22 PM by Unity.)
06-08-2015, 03:03 PM
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