Ah Ha moments - talk of I

[The People]

I always mourned the fact that I never had a child. It seemed to be unfair. Last night a teen I thought was integrated drank some wine. We fell asleep on this ratty couch and woke up to a TV show. Well, I think we got up once to let the dog out (Who let the dog out? - I know. Not funny) That is probably when the TV was turned on.

We awoke again to a show about 3 teens and young adults who had mentally ill parents. Bi-polar in all cases I think. They were trying to make lives for themselves while keeping up the spirits of the parents or taking them to hospital.

That is why I never had a child to raise. That was me as a kid. It makes sense now. It is good that I chose not to foster parent or adopt. I am not talking about anyone else. Just us. Other people have supports around them. We don't.

Someone was drinking wine last night. Another teen. We thought she had integrated and we were blaming Grey. Guess we were wrong on both counts. She is the second one to come back. We are like an old scrapbook where a cheap glue stick has been used. Things don't stick permanently. It comes undone.

A PDoc that we had once was supposedly the guru of DID. She had her own issues but she knew stuff. She wasn't surprised about where some of our abuse came from based on a large number of alters. She also wrote a letter that said we would never get 'better'. To her getting better might be total I. Because we have gotten better. Not the social definition of same but better than we were with more happy moments.

Last night my T asked us to reflect on how far we have come considering all that we survived. How well we have done. Sometimes we know she is right. We could be the drunks in the homeless shelter.