Not just surviving

[The People]

but thriving! I am watching the closing ceremonies for the Invictus Games, taking place in Toronto. I was hoping to see more of the athletes but they were not covered as much as I had hoped.

I am happy that they recognize PTSD as a condition that has allowed them to be participants. I saw one woman who held a bow and arrow and she actually talked about the fact that her practice helped her heal.
She had to focus and practice her breathing for this event, exactly what she was told to do to keep her panic attacks in check.

One man was interviewed this week told that he would never breath without a tube. That he would never be able to push his own wheelchair.

He was the coach for Canada's rugby team and is as independent as he can be. He has 2 children with a third on the way. (I think I have the right guy with that part) And he has a smile as big as the day on his face. He stated that the wheelchair rugby helped him to heal. Helped him to be stronger.

We fought a different war than these men and women. Our PTSD is for different reasons. They lost limbs we lost our childhood and the ability to feel safe way too often.

However, we can learn from these men and women. Those who sit at home behind closed doors, well we can understand why they do this and it is what many of us do when the day is just too dark.

But like these athletes I know that I eventually step out of the darkness and into the shower before facing the world again. I have been fighting my war for over 50 years. Because I di force myself to do things where I am almost crying as I get ready I have made progress. And the next time I go out it is a little easier.

Once, before the DID dx I was walking to Safeway when I had a panic attack. I know why but that isn't relevant. I remember how hard it was for me to keep my feet moving forward. I knew that if I turned and ran home again it would be that much harder the next time I needed Safeway and I didn't have a car at the time.

I don't know if I was told this or if it was just instinctive. But it was true.

Kelly Clarkson did a performance just before I started writing. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!" We (people of MM) may not always feel strong but being Multiple has allowed us to survive and then to thrive. I would love to have an Invictus shirt as, in the middle of the black letter are three yellow ones. I AM.

I am scarred but I am not conquered. I hope that everyone who reads this feels the same way. For we have determination just like these soldier/athletes do.

Have a goal like these athletes. Have a mission like these athletes. Have a plan like these athletes. Push! And if life pushes you back, push harder!