Newbie Loved One With Probable DID

[KoalaGirl]

So far everyone has been so helpful. It has been extra confusing because he's not diagnosed, and I'm not 100% sure it's DID, but the longer I know him, the more it is consistently characteristic of DID. I believe he suspects it on some level. He knows something's wrong, and he doesn't want me to know. He told me the last time he pushed me away that he didn't want me to know "what he had become".

I've already sent him a couple of kindly-worded messages to let him know that I think I know what's going on, and I'm sorry if I encroached upon any defenses or unknowingly violated any boundaries. I only want to help him find a way to get some relief from these things that have been tormenting him. Whatever was going on, I think I may be able to lend some insight, but no pressure. I assured him that if it is DID, it's not a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength.

He responded warmly and receptively, and expressed how deeply he felt about me and how he couldn't live without me. And then he woke up with a blinding headache. And I knew what was coming. I asked him if maybe this was too stressful for him, us being together. He said no...that I heal him. But when he faded back, I wasn't surprised. When the Protector came around, I could recognize him by his distinct characteristics - language, word choice (very pedantic), intimidating, and mean. Cruel, sometimes. Often.

Anyway, he has vascillated between being on the cusp of telling me something and then chasing me away with things I now are designed to make me hate him. I don't. I can't. But now he tells himself lies about me so he can be ok with pushing me away. And in another lucid moment, he told me he knew what he was doing and that he was sorry he put me through it. And then he put me through it again. Or...he let the Protector do it.