T is leaving

[argent]

     My T is leaving and it feels like the end of the world.  Lots to process.  I just found out yesterday.  It's just me, my journal and a bunch of different colored pens today.  Sitting with it.  I feel abandoned, betrayed and alone.  This really sucks.  The internal system is a chaos carousel.  

     I've been reading some of the older threads.  It helps to see other people have similar experiences. Maybe I'll find something to help.  I'm grateful for MM and the brave people who comment here.

     I'm worried I will never find another T who "gets" me.  Current T wants to help with that transition, but I am resentful and want to hurt her by not cooperating.  Better get back to the journal.

[nats]

will hurting her help you process this better? will cooperating? what do others inside think?

[The People]

We have been through this more than a few times. In 1 case I walked away but in other situations they left. The transition was most effective when we allowed T to help us find someone. Except for when we walked away. However, it also helped when we took a break in order to mourn the loss of the old one.

Sorry you have to go through this. We worry that present T will leave soon. For us it is almost like a divorce because we didn't always understand why they left. However by shutting them out we didn't have a chance to work through that with them. Saying goodbye is important. IMO it is most important to the littles as T is usually the only healthy relationship they have ever had. I am still sorry you have to go through this. Take care.

[Silent Society]

I am very sorry that this is happening to you. I understand what you are saying when you say it feels like the end of the world. I am in the middle of losing my t as well although not by his choice. we are learning to work with some one else. it doesn't feel right. have been told that it wont feel right for a long time. but we are learning to work with her. it is very hard, but can happen. I agree that it may be helpful to have the current t help with finding the next. Glad that you have your journal. writing is helpful. It is ok to be angry and sad.
Please know that we are thinking of you. Offering whatever support you can accept.

[BlackeBird]

I went through this once with an individual therapist and once with a group therapist. It definitely sucks. The group therapist was especially painful because her partner had just had a baby, and yet she was telling us she was stopping the group because "it had come to its natural conclusion." Everyone in the group was saying they still wanted it to continue. Therapists who won't admit to their own sh*t make me nuts.

With the individual therapist, I was angry and hurt also, but in retrospect I am glad I let her help me find someone else, because she had access to resources that I didn't. The person she found ended up being a better fit for me. You might hurt your therapist by not cooperating, but then again she might not be hurt. No one wins.

We have a saying in AA "resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die." I'm not saying you don't have a right to your feelings - you totally do. Just hoping that they don't get in the way of you having an outcome that's best for you.

Kate

[argent]

Thank you for the responses. It does help. I have made it through the last few days and am coming to some semblance of equilibrium. I will work with my T on this transition.

Nats - the insiders have various reactions. The little girl is hiding and inconsolable. She feels as if she is losing her mommy and feels like she is being abandoned for the bad man all over again, so vulnerable. She cannot comprehend why someone would leave her. My protector is very cynical, harsh and critical. What did I expect? He feels lied to and T was the only one he trusted. One of the others, I call her Flea, wants to apply the geographical fix and get out of town, run away and have her dramatic adventure starting over somewhere, preferably with a big romance. She can just cut off all relationships and move on. This conflicts with my outside life in which I have been married for 30 years (to a wonderful, sweet, clueless man who can't make heads or tails out of DID) raised a family and am aging in place at the family homestead.

I am journaling all this to process with my T. I am giving myself lots of quiet and low stress. It has been hard for the last few days, to sit with all these feelings and not act out in a rash manner. I am beginning to feel better and better able to function. I've learned a lot from my T and will always be grateful for her teachings.

Thank you all for your kind words of support and caring. It has been very helpful. I hope I can be there for you, too.

[nats]

it probably doesn't help as you're going through it, but it sounds as if you're dealing with this in a really good way!

[argent]

Thanks, Nats, I am doing better. It does help to be able to connect with people who have gone through this, too, and understand.