Remembering is like

[Unity]

I think there can be two different kind things also that can provocate the dissociation for me, there is psychological pressure, like all kind of 'mind control' kind of thing like cults or psychological abuse, and it can be easy specially with young person to scare them a lot only with indoctrination or manipulation, and situation more related to violent things.

In the same time i guess i have been a bit all the time dissociating more or less and always a bit lost etc for some years so i probably dissociated many things.

I guess it can come back through dreams, specially the kind of dream that portray specific situation in which i must evolve with a sense often of fear or something. It probably relate to some situation i don't remember but in symbolic form, or happening in a situation that trigger the same kind of reaction that i had in the situation.

But mostly it's also the whole emotional state associated with the memory that often prevent the memory to really surface entierely, either because of what it reveal about a situation that the mind can't accept, or because of a sense of threat.

A large part of what i think make the memory hard to really recover in case of 'mind control' or psychological abuse is because it reveal that people can have double face, or hurt people and leiing about it, and this action is hard to integrate into the normal framework of how things normally works, the thing of cognitive dissonance is often associated with mind control or that kind of things, that it's hard to accept that some things can happen and to live everyday in a world where this can happen.

For other kind of situation, it's clear it's amount of stress that is generated by picturing myself back in the situation that make it hard to remember.

But sometime when this kind of things come up full strength it can put me in very bad states.

But i just realized many of these things in the past days by watching this website, i understood so many things.

I think i just 'reconnected' many part of myself, it was very weird what happened to me these past days after i have found this site ! =)