I am so angry at T
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Tangled Web Offline
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#1
Angry  I am so angry at T
I am so pissed off and need to vent.
My T was talking with one of the others and telling her some good things.........or so I thought! Well they were good things I guess but you know what I don't want to think rationally right now!
She said it would good to write about happened to her so I let her write. She said it would be good to scream into a pillow to get it out-to feel the feelings so I let her do that too.........That was when all hell broke loose. Somehow I get sucked into her memory and felt absolutely every f*ck*ng thing that happened to her happen to me.
My T told me that I didn't need to know all specifics of what happened and it was fine that I didn't want to know or want to see so I believed her. I let her talk, I left and just let her have the session with our buffer there of course-and it was hard but it was done and it seemed to work where I wasn't too affected by it. I was like ok this could work. I was feeling pretty good about the session actually even though it was very hard on her. And then I thought ok if my T was right was about this then maybe she will be right about the other things too so I trusted her with her suggestions and I was a bloody fool to think she knew what she was talking about!
Never in my whole entire life have I EVER experienced anything like that!
Of course my T apologizes because she didn't know I would be affected like that.........and I am sure she didn't BUT WHY? Why didn't she know??????????????Then I feel bad for being angry with her because I do believe she really didn't know and then that pisses me off too because I just feel so angry with her!
I feel so f*ck*n' naïve and stupid. I trusted her that is on me! I am so angry with her. completely 100% pissed right off!
And then to makes things worse I have people inside saying see I told ya so! And I end feeling like I have defend her which pisses me off even more because I just want to be angry with her!
Thanks for listening
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
(This post was last modified: 02-28-2015, 10:33 PM by Tangled Web.)
02-28-2015, 10:31 PM
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The People Offline
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#2
RE: I am so angry at T
It is okay to be angry. To question the T we are trying to trust so that things can get better for us. I don't think they do know though. Nobody does. Not even us. But any monomind might get the gist of how multiples in general operate. But i am guessing you an I have completely different systems. So that by the time someone is ready to bring something to T most of the regulars know what it is about. I don't know if saying this makes you feel better or worse. But I do know the frustration when a T just doesn't get it.

I hope things have settled down.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-28-2015, 02:38 PM
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orek Offline
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#3
RE: I am so angry at T
Bummer, Tangled. I bet that was awful and scary. And maybe there was something the T could have helped you all do to make sure the buffer held in this case, but I have to admit that I can't see how our ts can predict how our systems will work in every situation or when our dissociative barriers will be breached. Eventually, they do have to be breached if we are to get well, just hopefully not in so overwhelming a manner! Are you able now, since it happened and you can't take it back, to integrate what you learned about what happened to that insider? That way, it wasn't for nothing that you went through that. Hope things calm down and you can work through this feeling of betrayal with your T.
03-29-2015, 04:37 PM
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The People Offline
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#4
RE: I am so angry at T
Something that I just remembered. Screaming into pillows and hitting them etc. is now pase! Studies have shown that using your anger in that way does more arm. Not that I haven't screamed f*ck! on occasion but long since gave up on hitting things. They just made me self destructive. When I am angry now I write a poem or nap. Poetry has been proven to help curb the anger no matter what style you use. Rhyming works best for me when I am in that kind of mood but other styles work too. What is the Japanese style that is 5-7-5? I found that part in a meditation book.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-29-2015, 07:21 PM
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