trying to figure it out.......

[Tangled Web]

I have been feeling a lot of trepidation in regards to writing this for everyone to see. This is the third time I have started this post.
My role has been to keep control of the outer world, and to keep everything and everyone hidden. It is the only way we are able to function successfully.
But in doing this we have to remain isolated away from everyone. We don't keep close relationships--all we do is go to work and come home. We have one friend in our life and see her occasionally. This is what has kept us safe. But we are wanting more out of life now so this is a problem.
Here is the dilemma, our T wants to start meeting with others.
How do you give up control to let this just happen? How do you maintain your controlled existence to the outside world and keep the balance? I can never keep that balance-it has always had to be ALL or NOTHING.
There has been a huge shift inside and I can feel connections to the others--they haven't been bad feelings, so far so good. Usually the layers and layers of walls keeps them away from the front and I don't know why this has changed but it has.
I just don't know what to do..........I know we are leaning more to the side of letting T meet the others and start with their healing but it just feels like I am about to jump off this huge cliff into a never ending pit of darkness.......I don't know if I can do that.

[nats]

i think if you are able to let T meet the others, then it can only be a good thing longterm. we were never able.

[Tangled Web]

We were able to let her meet a couple but not with them being completely out and in control. Don't know how to explain that. I just never have been able to give up that much control unless it was taken from me and I still don't know how that happens. When we are home things are different because I can let down my guard a little...........it is just us here........
I know T is a good person and would never do anything to hurt us purposely.
She wonders what else she can do to help us trust her more.....it isn't about her-- this one is on me and I don't know how just to let it happen..........Thanks for responding nats.

[nats]

totally makes sense. we're the same..

[Tangled Web]

Thanks nats

[The People]

I understand this. And know how hard it was for new selves to go through. Especially the first ones. Interestingly, right from the beginning, every time a new section of the castle opened its doors a child came out first. I am not sure why. Two says it is because "A little child shall lead them." Others figure that littles sense the safe/unsafe more. I dunno myself.

We started off by writing T. Before and after dx. or the littles will draw. It really helps to bridge the all or nothing gap.

You are recognizing that this is an issue. It is the first step. A good one.