Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
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MakersDozn Offline
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#1
Caution  Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
We feel alone and isolated. And we don't want to burden anybody with how down we feel, how sad and angry and insecure and needy. Our T says that the ones at the heart of these feelings have to choose to work through them, have to choose to believe that they can achieve something better. These insiders say that they would rather give up, but yet at the same time, they want to prolong the pain because:

(1) they feel like they deserve it;
(2) they can't hurt the people who caused it, so they want to take it out on themselves instead;
(3) they don't believe anything better is possible;
(4) they're afraid of the unknown (that is, something better happening); and
(5) perpetuating the pain hurts more than ending it, so it's a more effective form of self-punishment.

We do not self-injure. But we're experts at prolonging our own misery. We really need empathy and support.

MDs
(This post was last modified: 12-01-2014, 01:43 PM by MakersDozn.)
12-01-2014, 01:36 PM
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Tangled Web Offline
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#2
RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
We hear you MDs and can relate to SO many of things you have listed above.
We are SO SORRY you are going through this and knowing that it is so hard to see there is hope when you are in this place--I want to tell you that there is hope and it is ok to have HOPE!
We are here to support you and sit with you if that is ok. Reaching out is very hard and we are glad you are doing it.
Offering our hands to you for you to hold......
TW
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
12-01-2014, 01:42 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#3
Just talking  RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Hi TW,

Thank you. We read your Recovery/Healing post as well, and we replied there.

It's so hard not to be down on myself. It's so hard not to think the worst, to hold onto thoughts and feelings that only make it harder. It's so hard not to be afraid. Undecided

I'm glad you're here.

Take care,

Charity
(This post was last modified: 12-01-2014, 05:41 PM by MakersDozn.)
12-01-2014, 05:40 PM
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Tangled Web Offline
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#4
RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
I know those feelings VERY well Charity and it is really hard.
I saw your response to my post and I am going to incorporate my response into this one.
People used to tell me all the time that they are so surprised I have come so far and been able to accomplish what we have accomplished considering.........It never ever clicked and meant absolutely nothing to me. I thought they were just saying those things to make me feel better because in my mind our story was no different than the next one.
But something changed recently-I don't know how or what exactly it was but there was a shift inside and I realized I really have come a long way.
Even the smallest accomplishments meant something and I was actually able to see them as just that--accomplishments.
A friend of mine recently told me that I always see the worst in people and that would be the first place I would go. It hurt but she was right. That is where I do go and I think the worst all the time. It hurts to have hope and it is scary because with hope in my mind always follows disappointment. And that might still be true BUT what if it isn't? What if the disappointments become less and we become stronger and healthy.
There will always be disappointments in life but it doesn't mean that we deserve to be disappointed or that it is something we caused. We always blamed ourselves for feeling disappointed--like it was our own fault and we would tell ourselves well that is what you get when you want something--like we are just meant to live life this way because it is all we deserve.
I have always been a firm believer in choice. I know I chose to believe those things and yes I had many, many reasons for doing that but now I really want to chose to believe that I can have a better life.
Even as I write this I can feel the doubts so close by and feel them start to creep into my mind. It is HARD. Maybe you can start by changing one thought that brings down. Find something solid that you have done in your life to counter act it. Like for me I was proven permanently unemployable-to me in my mind it fit because I was never going to amount to anything any ways--I have always felt stupid and useless. But looking back I realize now that they were wrong. I work full time as nurse and graduated from college with high distinction. I am not stupid nor am I useless or unemployable. That is a solid fact. So I keep reminding myself of that over and over and over again. I still feel stupid and useless but not all the time. And that is a start in my books.
I hold onto thoughts and feelings that only make things harder too. But right now when I feel myself slipping back into that I tell myself that I don't want to feel like this anymore--I don't want to think like this anymore. I chose to change this. Now I know this is a lot easier said than done but for us it is a start and maybe it can be a start for you too. I don't know if you have seen my post on the HHZ but I ran across this woman who found the courage to stand up and tell her story. She says you feel the fear but do it any ways. Every time I feel that fear right now I tell myself that. Feel the fear but do it any ways. Remarkably it has helped. I believe it is time for us to stop being our own worst enemy and become an ally to each other instead. It all starts with one small step-one small change.
I am glad you are her also and that you are reaching out. I am glad to know you.
TW
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
12-02-2014, 02:37 AM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#5
Friendship/Support  RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Thank you again, TW. What you're wrote here resonates with a number of us, not just me.

I also posted today in The People's newest thread on CE about believing. I think that someone from your system posted there as well. I was inspired to be honest with myself about some things that are difficult to come to terms with. But I feel better for doing it.

Take care,

Charity

Edit: I'm sorry; your system didn't post in that thread on CE. You posted in another recent thread.
(This post was last modified: 12-04-2014, 06:08 PM by MakersDozn.)
12-04-2014, 06:04 PM
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The People Offline
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#6
RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
We are here a lot lately MD. Feeling alone and in pain. Description of today's disaster somewhere. Something we discovered a long time ago is that one or more of the alters came to hold the pain. It s hard to work with them or to even get them to open up. None of us deserve pain. Pain was thrust upon us. We deserve to walk past it. I am glad you don't SI. Short term solution for a long term problem. Leaves more scars is all it does.
12-16-2014, 03:53 AM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#7
Agree  RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
We agree that it's important for the insiders who hurt to open up. Easier said than done.

We have been feeling out of sorts for a couple of weeks now. Internal communication is down. Walls among insiders are up. One particular insider (an adult) is vehemently strengthening the wall between her and everyone else. She would rather shut down than attempt to heal, and her idea of shutting down enough is if the system were completely nonfunctional.

We feel like our life is one big unmade bed right now.

In discussing this on another forum, we also mentioned that we have a great deal of difficulty dealing with anger. Anger has always been the most difficult emotion to process. We have lots of it. It seems like a bottomless pit, and we anthropomorphize it to frighten ourselves into maintaining the status quo, so that we don't risk our "safety." [Is that f***ed-up logic, or what?--Laura]

Thanks for being here.

MDs
12-17-2014, 12:45 PM
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The People Offline
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#8
RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
When the PU and then my kitty went for their long sleeps we experienced a lot of this. While your Dad and my kitty never harmed us it still brought up a lot of crap. You have lost your last parent. It is a lot for anybody to take in. My suggestion? Take some time right now to focus on the present. Getting through the holidays. It was never a big thing for either of us but we get smothered in it anyway. Just keep moving MD. Get back to the hard stuff of the past when the hard stuff of the present is a distant memory. Look after yourself. The walls have been there for years. A few more weeks isn't going to make a difference.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
12-17-2014, 09:40 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#9
Agree  RE: Feeling Alone - A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
While your Dad and my kitty never harmed us it still brought up a lot of crap. You have lost your last parent.

Yes, yes. Very true. We have talked at length with our T about feeling orphaned. And we have no idea how Rachel feels/felt about either parent, because she suppresses so much.

Rachel needs to learn to deal with things not from the POV of an angry toddler, but as an adult. As we said earlier, easier said than done.

Thanks,

MDs
12-18-2014, 12:12 PM
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