Rules/agreement inside

[orek]

(09-19-2014, 09:16 AM)nats Wrote: we are highly-functioning by most definitions, but we are not a democracy. we never got agreement in that sort of nice sitdown-and-talk-it-through-then-everything-will-work way. one of our strongest fronters has her own way of doing things and interacting that caused fear and dangerous problems for others of us. she saw no reason to change b/c she had a lot of fun and was quite able to ignore the consequences. the rest of us not so much. a few years ago the kids took her and put her to sleep somewhere. we don't know how or where. it solved the problem, but took away the one person who was good with people and enjoyed socialising. i don't know if she'll ever come back. so, democratic discussion is better and is what we'd recommend, but in our system safety trumps all.

Wow, how clever of your kids, nats! But how sad that a spontaneous, social part of yourself(ves) is now out of reach and asleep. For us it'd be like having Davis gone. We've come to rely on her energy, humour, and ease with "fun" social situations. But we've had insiders go into deep sleep for safety reasons before, and it's never been permanent. I believe your fronter's still there. When the time is right, I'm betting you'll see her again.

I also think that safety is the primary concern for every system--the very reason we each dissociated, in a way. Safety looks different for everyone, though, as does each of our particular ways of trying to procure "it"--or at least our perception of what it would look like--against what feels like ridiculous odds. .... What am I on about? Sorry. Sometimes we ramble. :p