I wish.......

[Tangled Web]

Thank you for understanding Orek. It does feel like ALL of those things. I can’t control the triggers and am not dealing with them well. It is so easy to get sucked back into that childlike thinking. I keep wishing it would just all go away but it doesn’t. It makes us feel so powerless. My home no longer feels safe and no matter how hard I try to make it safe again-I can’t.
I do believe my T is just giving me permission to cry also and I understand that but I guess the place I am coming from is it doesn’t matter how many times she gives us permission to cry-it still doesn’t make it feel like it is right. And I am unsure what needs to be done to help it make it feel right. I know we were taught NOT to cry and if you cried you would be given something to cry about. And we know that wasn’t the right message we should have got, but that doesn’t change anything.
I don’t know how to put this into words exactly-what it is we need-maybe it has to do with empathy or encouragement to get the feelings out OR just being sympathetic to the situation-we are not asking for sympathy or for her to feel sorry for us because that would completely shut us down. And I don’t know how to get that message across because I don’t know what it is we need. I think giving us permission to cry makes some just want to rebel against it and for some it still feels wrong and until we can fix the wrong feeling-it makes it extremely difficult to cry and most of our energy is spent trying to keep back the feelings.

Strangers are coming into my home tomorrow and Saturday. So after work on those days I have to find something to do so I am not here. I am not allowed to be here because it could make the potential byers uncomfortable. It is just UNF*CKING BELIEVABLE!
Thanks for listening everyone.
Tangled