I did it

[Downtherabbithole]

Well chatted I'd wrong word he spoke to me n I gave short answers till he left. I was able to talk without showing too much of my fear. I then stayed for lunch after though didn't eat but he was there. I acted like it didn't bother me that he was there. N I left later without an incident by that time he was gone. But I had chatted ( actually chattered) with few ppl most ladies, ( male was friends husband) she was there too but it felt good to be around ppl who seemed to want me round n though felt anxious n nervous the pain n fear from before wasn't there. But now because it went well part of me wants to go again, not cause of him, maybe dispite him but because had made few connections n I havnt had that in so long. I'm just worried that if they saw the part I hide away in safe rooms they might turn on me. I've gone from hiding away in my house afraid to leave to going to work do yesterday, church service n lunch ( first time in several years) n sitting studying in a cafe with ppl round me. ( again first time in several years) I almost don't want to go home afraid I might go back to hiding away again. I feel free from him but now I feel the next step after facing him is claiming back a social life n friends lost cause I was running from him but at the same time I'm also afraid that the truth bout what he did would come out, or my emotional state will show. Conceal don't feel, like Elsa from frozen. Afraid if they see what I conceal they might turn on me n reject me n like her when they found out bout her, call me a monster too or a freak. Or judge me. But I don't wanna be alone anymore. I didn't realise I longed for friendship n to spend Time with ppl. Now I have a lil I am afraid to loose it