When all is still a storm will rage
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Downtherabbithole Offline
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#1
May trigger  When all is still a storm will rage
I haven't been sleeping very well, I never really did but now my sleep is getting to a regular 5.5 hrs or less of sleep. A girl at work asked why I only got 3.5 hrs sleep the other night. I just said cause was still awake at 2 am. And that just couldn't sleep. The truth is my sleep issues prob all come down to a simple thing, just different flavour a of the same thing. When I lay down at night, when I am still, laying there trying to sleep, I'm not doing anything else, nothing to stop them from pulling to the surface. Whether from the pain in my body I try not to recognize while working to the screams in my head to the stories they show with us as a part of the story, aspects show through in the story, like the pain a part will feel from trauma will be felt as they play a simular character in the story. Usually reflecting a show watching ie atm its Star Trek the next generation. The part comes forward in a character of the show, just not one in the show already there and the pain in my chest, the screams, its the only way they can express themselves without fully coming out, I realised this protects the system as can later dismiss as just a fantasy and can still disconnect from the emotions and similarities in life stories of that part and the character they play. It's like a steam room for them, that is still seperate from those trying to remain functional and presenting parts that don't know trauma is there. But those parts after trying to be heard all day finally see a path to getting to the surface, but like a safe guard their path is detoured to the fatasy world to express them selves there rather than screaming and running through the streets away from everyone fighting anyone who tries to hold them down and thus ending up in everyone getting locked away in an outside prison of a mental institute loosing freedom and sense of worth... They scream inside, they get heard but in a way that still seperated them from functional presenters. I guess I'm grateful for that safe guard but I just wish there was a way for me to let then be heard in a safe way without loosing so much sleep cause strong emotional tormoil is felt later at night or comes out in nightmares. Though dislodged from reality is still felt in its intensity. But also if I were to let them come out during day even safe guarded it would be hard to switch back to reality. Simply to easy to loose myself through dissociation. I know everyone wants to be heard, but some are not safe to let out around ppl either cause they judge n condemn, they mistreat or fear or take advantage of the fact that can't protect self because other weaker parts are triggered. It's like telling someone your weakened by kryptonite......
03-31-2014, 06:58 PM
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MakersDozn Offline
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Posts: 1,950
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#2
Friendship/Support  RE: When all is still a storm will rage
Hi Downtherabbithole,

We just wanted to let you know that we hear you and identify with a lot of what you wrote. We hope that you find some peace soon.

MDs
04-01-2014, 10:40 AM
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