Road Block

[Tangled Web]

I have ran head first and smacked into a very thick wall with my new T. I asked her the other day if she thought I was a bad mom in an email because I was afraid to ask her in person. Well she read the email and told me she didn't know if I was or not. She also said some other things after that but to me they were not important. So logically I think to myself, ok fair enough that she said because she doesn't know, she doesn't know me or the situation well enough yet, and at least she was being honest with me, which is important BUT OMG........I cannot get past the fact she said that to me. What if she ends up thinking I was bad mom? It occurred to me that she might actually think I WAS a bad mom. So how am I supposed to process anything with her, I can't tell her now how I feel or what I think because she might actually think I was bad mom. I have tried so hard to look at this from so many different directions and there is NO WAY OUT of it. There is NOTHING she can possibly say to me that will change that. So what am I supposed to do? I just sit here shaking my head........nothing..........
And if she thinks that way how is she going to think about the stuff I did in the past.........Is she going to think I deserved it or that maybe I am a really bad person.........It has snowballed into something so huge........and I just can't seem to get a handle on it. This one took me completely by surprise, and I truly didn't see that coming at ALL!