Yesterday in T

[orek]

"I keep telling myself it was a good thing what I did.....letting her into my thoughts and being real with her, but this feeling of being so exposed is scaring the hell out of me. And then all the "what ifs" creep in that send me spinning."

Yes, it's very scary, but a vital step, so good for you all! It's from our Ts acting time and time again in our best interest and proving they are safe with those vulnerabilities that we start to relearn what healthy trust, boundaries, and connection are, how they can be nurturing, not abusive.

I could totally relate to this:

"I found all these writings from people (Inside people) and read so much and realized the more I try to deny things the more confused I get and when I look at what is in front of me and really look at it things start to make sense. The problem is I never like what I see... ."

We tend to go through cycles, esp. after the group of upfronters shift to a different group, where the insiders are shut down some and not allowed to write or communicate as much, then things get confused and spiral into a bad place. We aren't even realizing we are pushing them down or away or whatever. Once we somehow free them up to write and communicate again, it all starts to make more sense, what we are feeling, how we're being triggered, etc.

It sounds as if you've turned an important corner. I'm really happy for you! It's scary, but you're already brave to make it this far.

Take care--orek