Feeling angry, frustrated, and alone....

[Vivey]

(06-14-2012, 10:38 PM)MakersDozn Wrote:

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: Well being an introvert, we thrive on downtime and don't really feel isolated in our physical aloneness, because we chose it and enjoy that time, especially where, like you, we are around people all day at work or other activities. We have made sure we had a variety of different types of things and connections outside of our job. So we may choose to be alone or me may choose to be around others.

First of all, thanks for putting so much time and effort into replying. And our apologies for the excessive quoting. At least it'll give us practice in the technical process of quoting multiple sections of a post.

We thrive on downtime as well. The difference is that our whole life has become work, FOO, therapy, MM, and flopping onto the sofa at night. The last two years have been exhausting for us.

But this explanation only holds water to a certain extent. We're keenly aware that we've pushed people away because we're convinced that (1) no one in the singleton world understands us, and (2) geting involved with anyone, even friendships, will only hurt us, or at least disappoint us.

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: Over the years we seemed to have integrated nicely into the singlet world and can switch back and forth without much thinking about it. I think as introverts we are happy to quietly be who we are without feeling the need to share all the time, and we have become comfortable with our singlet world persona and knowing that we are who we are always no matter what world we are interfacing with.

Well, we too do a good job of blending in, but it's still uncomfortable. Most of us don't feel the need to share all the time, but there are a few of us who feel this need keenly.

It's good that you feel comfortable with your singleton persona. We feel like a fake, like we're acting. Like we can never truly be genuine.

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: It is understood in our system we have one body which has one legal name and birthday and whatever, and how to operate within those confines and understanding that the body we were given does not define who we are, that no matter what we are doing on the outside, that doesn't fundamentally make us singlet, even if other singlet are assuming we are also singlet.

Oh, yeah, we understand those things and agree strongly. As for the notion that other people believing we're singleton doesns't actually make us one, well....We know that we place far too much importance on what other people think of us. And we know that we define our worth far too much in those terms. We've been working on this for a long time in T.

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: We are also "out", as in we don't closet our multipleness. We don't skip around announcing it, but when a situation presents itself that could out us, we don't sweat it. Worse things have happened, and we feel secure enough in our singlet world roles that it just really is not going to make much difference, and that has been our experience. When people have known us long enough, they are not very likely to change their opinions of us very radically just by finding out we are multiple, or a myriad of other things. We have found people are really much less concerned about it than one might think.

You're fortunate that you're in a position where you can be "out." For us that's not an option. We're out to our immediate FOO, and to one former co-worker and one college friend. But that's it.

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: I think as we went out into the working world and made other connections, we expanded our identification to grow beyond "being multiple" and see it only as a small piece of who we are, not the bulk of our identity. We don't consider we see the world in only this way or that way. We have many roles that are the same as anyone else - co-worker, friend, sister, aunt, church member, bunny hugger, home owner, game player, singer, neighbor, etc. In this way I think we are prevented from feeling isolated.

Hm. We haven't considered this. (Thinking.) Co-worker, friend, sister, aunt, neighbor, tenant, Yankee fan, recycling maven, astrology buff....Well, it's a start, anyway.

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: We don't feel like we can't share with people who are not multiple. We find it comforting that whether multiple or singlet we have the same issues. We all have to get up and earn a paycheck. We all have to pay bills. We all struggle with relationships and illnesses and just things, lots and lots of things. Knowing that we have all of those day-to-day mundane things in common gives us a basis on which we can interact with the singlet world on equal footing.

True. Guess we try to avoid thinking about the mundane. We've always preferred to focus on the Important (with a capital I). But other people don't seem to do this, or at least they don't advertise it when they do. So this only increases our feeling of being different.

(06-12-2012, 07:48 AM)The Warren Wrote: I think you hit the nail on the head though here:


I think what you are feeling is less related to being multiple and is more a reflection of feeling unaccepted and unacceptable, which is how we felt all of our childhood and into early adulthood. I think to overcome that a person have to look at the why they feel this way. What is the root cause of these feelings? Are they old tapes? Do they reflect current reality? This is a great subject for therapy. A good therapist will have suggestions also about how to reprogram those old tapes and transform old feelings of being unacceptable.

A lot what we're stuck on in T relates to old tapes and, particularly, to formative experiences from the first four or five years of our life. We've made enough progress that the the bigs are finally beginning to own their experiences from that time, rather than foisting the baggage onto the younger folks (albeit unintentionally). Now they (the bigs) each have to work through the issues that they're finally identifying with.

Thanks again.

Laura, Allegra, and others (mostly Allegra)

I'm a Yankees fan too! Yeah, I've been diagnosed for over 20 years and learned to take on the single world fairly well. Don't lose time, make strange purchases, etc. most of my friends know I am a We. My old friends knew before I did! I've moved to a new town and my new friends know but they don't. They don't understand my need for space and solitude sometimes. Last week I was sick and had to cancel some plans. They accused me of blowing them off. I was really mad and hurt. It felt like they were coming from a place of being little! And then my littles were alternately pissed off, sad, and abandoned. I don't get singles sometimes. Yuck. I am so glad to be a new part of this community! We don't feel alone. Thanks!
Vivey