trying to figure it out.......

[Tangled Web]

I have been feeling a lot of trepidation in regards to writing this for everyone to see. This is the third time I have started this post.
My role has been to keep control of the outer world, and to keep everything and everyone hidden. It is the only way we are able to function successfully.
But in doing this we have to remain isolated away from everyone. We don't keep close relationships--all we do is go to work and come home. We have one friend in our life and see her occasionally. This is what has kept us safe. But we are wanting more out of life now so this is a problem.
Here is the dilemma, our T wants to start meeting with others.
How do you give up control to let this just happen? How do you maintain your controlled existence to the outside world and keep the balance? I can never keep that balance-it has always had to be ALL or NOTHING.
There has been a huge shift inside and I can feel connections to the others--they haven't been bad feelings, so far so good. Usually the layers and layers of walls keeps them away from the front and I don't know why this has changed but it has.
I just don't know what to do..........I know we are leaning more to the side of letting T meet the others and start with their healing but it just feels like I am about to jump off this huge cliff into a never ending pit of darkness.......I don't know if I can do that.