Controlling who comes out?

[nats]

hi Downtherabbithole,
it makes sense to want to protect and guard the system so that those who aren't able to handle certain situations don't get stuck in front dealing with them. unfortunately, its often quite hard to get to this stage - we're not there. it's one of the main aims of healing for many of us and as such takes an indefinite amount of time and effort. desensitisation training as you talked about tends to work better for non-multies, simply b/c there's only one person to desensitise while for multies there can be several or even whole system layers of fragments so it can be a long process.

sometimes the first step is to recognise that certain situations are toxic and entering them, even for the best intentions, causes your system more harm than good. learning to respect the others in your system and what they're able to do and what they would prefer you didn't make them do is a good way to start perhaps. you're a team, even if not all of you have found good ways to work as a team. you may be ready for things that others in your system aren't and it's not a sign of weakness at all to respect where they're at. maybe you can start finding ways to communicate more with each other and get them to talk about their concerns.

it's a longterm process, and your aims may change as you go through, but if you keep working it does get better.