Feeling the loss.........

[Tangled Web]

I have recently realized that I needed to say good bye to my dad and everything I wanted him to be. He has been gone now for 4 years. I have realized that me trying to be loyal to him and his memory has kept me stuck. I have kept ALL his secrets. I realize now they should of have never been mine to keep. This might sound selfish but this is no longer about him and his life. This needs to be about me and me trying to find happiness in this life. I can't do that by keeping everything hidden inside, denying the truths or running from it.
Even though I am able to see all these things now............I can't help to feel the loss........the sadness engulfs every ounce of my being right now. It is just sadness.........The good times I had with him seem so far and few between now and saying goodbye to him feels like I am saying goodbye to all the times that were good also......it just hurts.