Defenses

[MakersDozn]

(10-09-2013, 06:27 PM)Tangled Web Wrote: So this is what happens when we are talking to her.............She will ask a question and we will try to answer it depending on how it makes us feel. If there are feelings that make us uncomfortable with that, we change the subject. She has told us many times that if we tell her we don't want to talk about something all we have to do is let her know. The problem with doing that is that is us basically telling her that something about that bothers us. And in doing that we are somehow showing her a “weakness” in us and giving her some kind of ammunition to use against us....even though we know she would probably never do that but those are thoughts...... So changing the subject does not do that.

First of all, we hear your frustration and want to acknowledge your feelings.

We do have a question, though. Why is it that telling your T that you don't want to talk about something is showing her a "weakness," but changing the subject isn't? Isn't changing the subject also a way of telling her you don't want to talk about the original subject?

As we see it, both scenarios communicate the message that we don't want to talk about something, whether we state it directly or not. The only difference between the two is that in the first scenario, we're stating our needs, and in the second scenario, we aren't. And by stating our needs, we become more mindful of those needs.

What do you think?

MDs