Losses

[The People]

We had to stop working a few years ago due to physical and emotional crash. It was pretexted by a series of disasters which probably brought on the crashes (celiac disease for one) We miss work because since moving here we have not made a lot of friends and we like to be around people.

Of late we have experienced a lot of losses. The few within town friends have left or are busy with their own lives. Out of town friends... we have now figured out that one of them is a chronic liar. We were supposed to visit her and she gave a long list of health issues. We don't believe her. We think she likes life as it is and would prefer we leave her be. Two called this woman her "bestfriend besides the kitties" and she has been two's contact with Santa. She was always adding discussions with said friend to conversations. Now she says nothing. Our T has left. We have chosen not to replace her for now. We worked with her for over 5 years and had a great working relationships.

She gave us a locket, silver wit the words "stay strong" inside. The other day we were going to out volunteer stuff and threw it on , just on impulse. Interesting timing. We have become close to the woman we partnered with on that day. We knew it was coming but suddenly it was her last day.

This woman is the first person that we have met who felt like a good friend. She lives too far away for me to visit on a regular basis as our car is old. We cried. I felt stupid because all of these people were around but we are so overwhelmed.

Now we feel like we have nobody. I know we have here and it is great because people understand but you cannot go for coffee or a movie with them. You don't have interactive conversations. No insult to anyone and I am grateful that this place is here but I don't think I have felt this alone in so long... even when we first moved here we knew it would just be a matter of time before we found a job although it was hard sometimes. But it was an adventure too as we learned to find our way around the city.

All I have is 2 old cats. I do not minimize their role in my life. They keep me here. They love me. But that is it. I have lost social skills. I have lost myself. Please don't say you will sit with me because you cannot. I am here and you are there.