Still the same

[The People]

And then I couldn't sleep. Fell asleep but was awake in the middle of the night. As I watched reruns the theme of doctors came to mind. Why I get so frustrated and angry with them. 20 years with recorded heart murmur before it was followed up on. 39 years of Celiac (well probably 50) and I had to figure that one out myself. I remember when I had the hysterectomy. This stupid woman kept calling OBGyns and giving me pills before I finally got disgusted and went to emerg where they gave me sh*t for not going to my GP. Could have bled to death waiting for her to take action. And on and on.

It occurred to me as I was thinking last night that they have just been reminiscent of my parents when I was a minor. Well, doctors told me everything was in my head while my parents ignored me or worse if I got sick or needed something. That is aside from the sexual abuse. They neglected my health needs. Even my allergies. My brother and sister next older than me got diagnosed with allergies and were given something while my mother would say “every spring Paula gets a cold” and it was only when I moved to FM that I got dxd with allergies. And on and on.

People say I can choose not to be angry. That I can just move forward. But how does one move forward when these things just happen over and over and nobody listens until things go very wrong.

That is what I was thinking about in the middle of the night. Comparing people then and people now when it comes to ensuring that my needs are met. Or not.