letting go

[Tangled Web]

We have been working T trying to get past this enormous feeling that talking about the dad is somehow being disloyal to him. There is ALOT more to it than this but this is what we keep getting stuck on. He is no longer with us and has been gone for a couple of years which somehow makes it worse. Like we are tarnishing his memory.

The second part of this is that we are secretly still wishing that or parents will love us. I know that is impossible-but it doesn't stop us from hoping that one day this will happen........and if we talk about the "bad" things then we are letting go of that hope/wish. We don't know how to just let it go. Thinking about it rationally doesn't help. I can pull out ALL the rationales in the world and evidence that this will NEVER happen but it changes nothing. It usually always comes back to IF we are good enough or IF we could just be who they want us to be then they would love us. And if they are unable to love us then no one will be able to love us...........I have no idea how to get past that one. It is so frustrating...........
Emma

[mosaic]

those conundrums are the heart of the work you are doing - and it happens in very small increments. keep talking about it in T if you can and don't expect any "aha" moments where it all clicks in to place. at least in our experience "letting go" happens over time, and isn't something that can be forced or rushed into.

we're here to sit with you

[The People]

My mother died over 20 years ago and my father died about 7-8. I often speak about this. My friend who had a very good mother just lost her recently. We both mourned but in a different way. She lost the woman that she had become so close to over these past years. I lost a scary woman but I also lost the opportunity to ever have a mother like she had. It is tough.

When I am not working on my book I do short stuff like the chicken soup. I just did one about Christmas for next year. It is positive and uplifting and helps me to remember that it was not all bad. I actually cried when I finished that last draft. They were good tears for once.