Stress tried to kill me

[Cammy]

We have been going through extreme periods of severe anxiety the past month or so. During the daytime, while awake, I am able to use my mind to control the panic and self-talk that leads to panic and anxiety. However, when I am trying to sleep, in those moments when the mind must be let go off, then we wake up with an electroshock of adrenalin coursing through us driving our heart rate up and blood pressure with it. We went through days of zero sleep because of this. In the middle of this mess we had a dental appointment. They took our blood pressure and refused to proceed with the root canal. The BP was 200/110 mmHg - this is what adrenalin and cortisol can do when allowed to run non-stop through the human body. Ending up at emergency, the doctor finally gave us permission to increase our Mirtazepine from 15 mg to 45 mg per night, plus an additional 1 mg Clonazepam twice a day. It worked... BP has settled down a lot and we are able to sleep. We now are being fast-tracked to see a new P-doc for medication suggestions and a psychologist for as long as I need to see her. Stress like this is a killer. Blood pressures that high lead to strokes and heart attacks. I am lucky that nothing horrible happened this time.
The worst of all of this is that the anxiety runs all across all of my personalities. No one personality has ownership of the anxiety. I can't escape into a particular personality that is immune to this or has special armor plating. There is no escape. We are also without a host right now. No host, and yet this anxiety seems so very specific to an individual, but unfortunately it runs throughout the entire system from young to old. This sucks and is serious. The anxiety and panic is beyond all of our coping mechanisms - we have tried everything we know to outrun it, but cannot. We are entirely grateful for medication right now to make this better and make it possible to survive without a stroke or death. Our hope is that by attacking this issue from a medical side (medication) and from a psychological side (seeing a psychologist in order to gain new coping skills such as a CBT course), we will gain improvement so that eventually the drugs can be weaned off. Each of our personalities has serious bad thinking habits that lead to anxiety and panic. The hope is to learn to think in such a way as to prevent anxiety and panic, and then to move into this new personality. It's kind of like decorating to taste before moving the furniture in. There is nothing to say that this is going to work, but stress is a silent killer and besides that, it doesn't feel very good to be in that state of mind for any amount of time. Had this have gone on, there is no doubt it would have done terrible damage to this body, perhaps even killed it. These past few months have by far been some of the hardest we have ever gone through in our entire lives in terms of sustained severe anxiety and stress. It will be SO nice to see light at the end of this long dark tunnel. I am so very, very, very grateful for medication at this point.

[dreamers]

There is a supplement tea called kratom that we find helpful. the yellow bali type is particularly calming for us. The place we get it from will send free samples to new customers. Of course if you decide to try it, you should check with your pdoc etc first.

I know some systems can create new alters or new inner world places. Could you maybe create a place inside that is anxiety proof or a new alter with armor?

we have a " quiet room" inside. it's on an island and nothing from the 3d world can make it across.

[Cammy]

dreamers: When I am conscious/awake, I have all the control in the world over this. All of my personalities are able to step past anxiety and put it behind them. My conscious mind has quiet places where there is nothing but silence and peace, and I also use mindful meditation where the focus is only on the breath and nothing else. My issue is when I am either just about to drift into sleep or am actually asleep. My conscious mind is no longer in control, and that's when the anxiety runs amok. We were given Remeron for night time, but it is causing severe migraine every night a few hours after taking it. It's too bad because the Remeron was working, even though we were fairly groggy during the day. During the years we have developed a bad migraine reaction to SSRIs and SSNRIs, so we are at a loss what to do. We don't see a psychiatrist until the first part of July, and that's a long time to try and stay alive. BUT...I am seeing my doctor next week with a list of possible alternative meds. One of them is Buspirone and also there are the Beta blockers (which I think in small doses may help). Unfortunately this is not my doctor's comfort zone, and the chances of her trying something new is small. But, as we all here know, it can take a lot of hit and miss trials before just the right medication is found. I have been given a liberal supply of benzodiazepines, but I have to be very cautious with these. It only takes a few weeks to become addicted, and once this happens, weaning off of this class of drugs safely can take up to or over a year (when done correctly). Having been through this process once already where a two week heavy use of Lorazepam lead to a 14 month psychiatric supervised weaning period, complete with insomnia and drenching night sweats, I am not eager to repeat that mistake twice. While the Remeron allows me to sleep without panic attacks, the subsequent severe migraine pushes my blood pressure through the roof from the pain alone. I am seriously thinking about asking her for a beta blocker, to help with the anxiety, keep my BP down, and also as a migraine preventative. I can't see her refusing me if this drug will help in so many ways.

If anyone here has had any experience with any anti anxiety medication, or even with medication that is not classed as anti anxiety but helped, I would REALLY appreciate hearing about your experiences. I am quite desperate to get this under control until I can get to a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Also, your experiences may well contain some medication suggestions that I can run by my reticent doctor. Thank you. I just want to reiterate that I have employed every non-medicinal coping technique currently in use, and my present condition outstrips all of these. I am eager to hear about other's experiences. I need the help of this community. Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to assist me.

[dreamers]

like I said kratom helps us with pain and anxiety. for the first week it caused mild (premigraine) but all new pain meds do that for us. the migraine meds took care of it. Red vien and yellow vein are classicly known for relaxation.

https://www.kraoma.com/collections/free-kratom-samples

[Cammy]

Hi dreamers: Thank you about the kratom suggestion. Unfortunately we had a mega bad reaction to it in that it caused an epic migraine - what I call an 11 out of 10 migraine (meaning maximum pain with the added bonus of vomiting). Not being one to give up, and to make sure it wasn't just a coincidence, we tried it a second time with the same result, so I guess it's a no-go for us. I still appreciate your help, and it's too bad that we are ultra sensitive to this product in the migraine department.

We are armed with some useful meds that we can take when things get out of control. I'm going to try to get back to my dentist appointment, but this time my doctor has given me some pre-dental appointment meds to get me through the procedure without flaring my BP into the stratosphere.

Again, thank you for trying to help - it was very much appreciated. As is typical of me, a lot of things that can help me, including psychotropic meds, have a nasty effect on me in terms of migraines. I am very sensitive to a lot of different migraine triggers including such things as Aspartame and sulphides that are often used to keep salad bars fresh. One thing that drives me nuts is that most of the under the tongue meds are sweetened with Aspartame, and hence are unuseable for me. My other huge trigger is MSG - this is a big one. I've been fortunate in finding a Chinese food restaurant that does not use any MSG at all and for the first time in decades I get to enjoy this food again. The last time I got a large dose of MSG was two decades ago, and I was sick for a week and in the hospital for two days thanks to being poisoned by the stuff. One of those things I guess.

[nats]

sorry that we have nothing useful to suggest. a few years ago we had a lot of trouble sleeping due to what was probably anxiety - called it stress. were recommended a herbal tincture called Passiflora (not sure about spelling). i don't think it did us much good, but other people say it's great. what worked best for us was exercise (and resolving some of the stuff that was stressing us). we started running regularly, which meant we were too physically tired to get sucked into mental spirals. probably no help to you. sorry you're going through this!

[Cammy]

nats: Thanks for your suggestions. It jogged my memory. The one time I saw a regular psychologist for anxiety one of his big to do things was indeed exercise. It is something that we have gotten away from. I feel so tired most days that it is all I can do to just get up and then spend the day vegetating on the couch. Maybe if I start to move a little more it will help. I will also look into the passiflora and see if it is something I can try. I have to be careful about mixing herbals with some of my meds plus the headache thing, but I am always grateful for suggestions. Thank you.

[nats]

the exercise thing i can really vouch for in terms of 'hate doing it, always find excuses, but feel SO MUCH BETTER having done it'.

if you can set a long-term goal and just make small steady increases till you reach it, your body and your brain will thank you for it . tracking does make it easier, e.g. by getting a cheap pedometer or fitness tracker and setting a minimum daily target.

[Cammy]

nats: Thank you SO much for the encouragement. I am such a procrastinator. This is one of those situations where I just have to gird my loins and DO IT. I have a fully equipped gym downstairs, so no excuses. Thanks again.

[dreamers]

just curious how much you took and what vein color? we have heard white has ssri qualities which can trigger major migraines for us so we avoid the white ones.

Also, on our first few tries, we did 1/4 tsp dissolved in 12ozs of water