Disconnected

[Cammy]

I don't feel like I really and truly ever connect with people in the real world, except for maybe my husband. Beyond that, it's like people are just beyond my reach. It's that life long feeling of being on the outside looking in. As we grow in experience with ourselves, this feeling has less meaning for most of the time, but there are times when I feel like I am never going to be able to make strong connections with others. I don't even know what it is that I am trying to express except for the horrendous isolation - the jar with the closed lid that I've lived my life in. Or is it the world that is in the jar and I can't get in, but only watch them all. I'm not sure. As I review this theme, I now see that I have felt this way from childhood. It is a sense of being set apart, but not in a good way. Does anyone here have this similar sensation? Of being hopelessly disconnected from others? I'm just wondering if this isn't simply a result of the fact that I have D.I.D.

[just peachy]

hi igraine just lost my typed message again to the land of losts posts lets give it another try in reference to feeling disconnected I'm no expert on did there is definitely a connection to being not connected to people and did my psych dr diagnose me with did and de personalization which means the same thing ..also labeled me as derealizeation said I also have anhedonia the ability to not feel pleasure or happiness ..so in my opinion that basically means if I am disconnected to people or surroundings I sure am not feeling connected to them .. ..my psych dr said he hasn't seen a did person like me ...cause I go out in the world and mingle in conversation with some people ... he said of the ones he knows most did people stay home long periods of time and don't go out in the world ....so 1st to your husband you are going in the right direction ...by connecting to your husband 1st then doing what my psych dr said lots of soothing and grounding exercises ..and stepping out and doing things like that interview with jen on did

[nats]

definitely relate to this. though doesn't help that we work from home most days and our office, the few days we do go in, is full of antisocial people!

[Shadows]

I feel so disconnected from everyone. I'm sorry that you feel this way too - we haven't come up with a solution yet, but I'll be listening to other people's ideas.

[Cammy]

Thank you all for your posts. I believe that this sense of disconnection is yet another 'symptom' of our dissociative disorder. Unfortunately, as JP pointed out, it renders the ability to feel positive things somewhat dampened or inert as well, which is frustrating. I also believe that by our very natures, we tend to keep ourselves isolated, both physically and psychologically. When out in public, we are guarded and protective of our inner selves and put forth a public interface to deal with all the everyday people and situations out there. All of this creates distance and isolation. It is definitely frustrating and while I had hoped that this would get better over time, it is in fact getting more pronounced. Here at least, I feel I can express myself in a way that is impossible anywhere else, and I wonder if the secrecy of hiding our multiplicity from the outside world doesn't also play a part in this sense of distance. Ah well, just another challenge many of us face. The advantage of this site is the realization that I am not alone in this. That is definitely some kind of comfort. I truly don't know what I'd do without the wonderful support of others who understand, and I thank you all for this.