'Friend'

[The People]

I was supposed to go to a movie yesterday and then lunch. I got the day mixed up. My phone was off. She was pissed as I had canceled last time. She went to the movie alone and we met for lunch. She asked me what was going on with me. I told her that things had been rough. She acknowledged that and then went off on her own life.

It is fun to get together and play board games with her. I like the challenge. But she does not acknowledge her own issues. Her son is struggling and she is so codependent. She thinks that telling him what he needs to do is fixing him. His father is dead which is a big part of things. He is hitting his mid-twenties BTW. But he has panic attacks when she doesn't answer her phone.

I wouldn't call us close. I would call myself her sounding board. And I am tired of it especially since I am still struggling. But I was never good at walking away.

BTW, this is not the other friend who went through this last year. She was more sensible about the whole thing.

[mosaic]

it sounds like a very uneven friendship and those are difficult, and i can see why you would be tired of it.

it's especially hard when we don't have a sounding board for ourselves - no one we can share the struggles with. it's so hard when there's no one we feel safe to share our stuff with.

i'm struggling to find words to give you the support i want to give.

[The People]

I appreciate the attempt. And I understand what you mean. It is why I fight to keep MM going. It is not the same as a sit down over coffee - or wine. But at least people like you understand what I am trying to say.

I belonged to self help groups in my last life. The idea of what we all have been through was just coming into the reality. It wasn't the rarity that it was made out to be. I made close friends from the group. One was like a sister. More than the birth ones. Sadly cigarettes stole her away. I have other friends here and I am closer to some. But they are old friends. None of my new friends are worth more than a passing glance.