A Wind in the Door
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Sad  A Wind in the Door
When your internal family reads do you all read together? For us it is sort of like mental telepathy where even those who cannot read or understand are tuned in and things are heard and explained as we go along. Two got the above book by Madeline L'Engle for Christmas and we are just now reading it. While it is probably a book that belongs in the juvenile section there is rarely a children's book that we read where we don't find something that catches the adult thought process.

The books are a milder version of Harry Potter. No witches or anything but there is the good versus evil in every book. Charles Wallace, the youngest but brightest in a family of four kids reminds us of Two in many ways. The books have Christian views scattered throughout them but not to an extreme. Basically good/evil and love/hate throughout the galaxy. Sci-fi with a Christian twist.

In this book there is a discussion of naming versus un-naming. I wish I had taken notes as I related this to my life but I was soaking in my favourite reading spot at the time. I shall try to explain it again.

Naming is basically giving someone a role in life, a sense of belonging. It is done through love and through other aspects of live. But love is above everything. It is what keeps the evil away.

I feel unnamed, unloved. in so many ways. DID goes unnamed. As long as this happens I shall be unaccepted and unacceptable if I try and explain who I really am I fight hard to change this but with little cooperation from the world around me. My professional supports yes but very few people beyond that. If I name myself people become afraid just like the Cherubim in a book who show up looking like a dragon (Two loved that part as we have a Guardian who is a dragon)

I was forced to stop working at a career that I loved. It gave me a sense of purpose. The vast majority of my clients loved me, named me. As an ENFP I thrive on the successes of others. They knew I had their back and I helped them to be named.

Because doctors would not hear me my body collapsed taking my mental illness with it. I did try to return to a job but due to being misinformed it was a disaster. It is too scary to try again. So here too I am unnamed. I try volunteering but thus far I have not found a spot that named me, that made me feel like I belonged there. I am still a nobody.

I have my writing. It is the closest that I come any more to being named. I have had a couple of small successes but what if that is as good as it gets? Yes I write for myself for it comes as easy as breathing - easier on an asthma day. However, it has been my dream to be a successful writer since I was a small child. I feel that seeing my books on a book shelf, best selling list or not, will name me. Name us. What if that doesn't happen?

I have parted ways with a woman I was friends with since we were in our early 20s. There is too much of a story behind it and the bond between us has been shredding since long before I moved here. Just like the fallen angels, the unnamers, cause rips to form in the sky. These rips are victorious for the unnamers. It is no victory for either myself or the former friends I have lost since I lost myself.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-11-2016, 06:30 PM
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