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PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - Melody - 02-05-2013

VolcanoGOD... one of my biggest struggles lately. Why am I like I am? I am triggered everytime I just HEAR the word g@d. I've tried to get over it but the word g@d was used in a large part of my abuse. I desperately want to believe in a kind, loving being but it is hard. My husband is not satisfied with me just saying a higher power. He knows about my abuse and I have told him many times how I feel about that word. It triggers me so badly and I get extremely angry and switch. Is he unable to see how bad it affects me??? I know he's sensitive about my triggers and he's a good man so I just don't understand. Feedback anyone?

RE: PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - nats - 02-05-2013

hi Melody,
seems like you're working really hard on healing and lots of other things. maybe you can suggest a deal with your husband that accepts your 'higher power' for the next 5yrs or so (pick a number that seems right, but probably at least a few years) while you work on more immediate stuff, and, when you're feeling stronger and more able, you will consider addressing your feelings around G@D.

seems like maybe he's putting his own feelings on to you instead of accepting where you are right now in all this?

RE: PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - MakersDozn - 02-09-2013

Hi Melody,

We're sorry that you're having a difficult time. And we agree with nats. As we see it, the most important thing is for each of us to take care of ourselves first. There's a saying that folks here at MM use sometimes:

"Safety is the first rule."

We're sending you good thoughts.


RE: PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - Silent Society - 03-09-2013

Hi Melody. I also have issues with that. I was raised in the church (Baptist) and for me the issues are more around having prayed for so long for help and not receiving it. I am mad at G** that the bad things happened and nothing was done to stop it. I still go to church on sundays but really struggle. I do not have any advise for you. Just wanted you to know that I understand.

RE: PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - nats - 03-10-2013

we've always thought, and this is a tangent b/c we weren't raised in a formal church, that god gets blamed for a lot of things. when we read the bible, we didn't see god promising anywhere to give people happy lives, it was more about giving them greater understanding and forbearance for all the bad things that happened to them. Then, looking at Job, he was tormented intentionally just to prove a point. so, it seems that its people who promise god will act like a loving father, not god who ever made this promise.

perhaps we've misinterpreted, or more likely it says something about how we were raised, but it seems like god as with everyone else, is only obliged to answer the prayers he wants to.

RE: PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - Cammy - 03-21-2013

HE has lots of other names. Would your husband be willing to use one of these? They are old, traditional, respectful, mean the same but maybe won't trigger you so badly. Found in the OT if you need a place to start looking. (Hope this helped). Although, I see nothing wrong with 'higher power''s all about what those words represent to you. It is not disrespectful in my view.

RE: PLEASE UNDERSTAND !!!!!!! - finlyalive - 05-23-2013

When we were first diagnosed, the pastor of the church told me that I was possessed by demons. That was comforting -- NOT. We worked with our therapist to get through this, but stopped before ever really dealing with anything. The fear of being possessed was greater than the desire to heal. It seems every time we try to work on healing, horrible things happen. The past three years are no exception. We haven't given up at this point, but everything we have ever had has been taken from us. Being brought up in church, turning to G@D is almost second nature and, personally, seems to be the only way out of our current situation. It is the only string of hope there is, no matter how thin. One of my people does the church thing and I think she is the only reason we have gotten to where we are. At the same time, the fear becomes overwhelming. What if.....? So, we have just accepted things as they are and try so hard not to rock the boat.

Religion was never used as a form of ab*se except possibly from that pastor. It is still scary, though. Igraine has a wonderful idea with using an alternate word.