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Friendships in general - The People - 05-24-2020

I am curious. I know that it is more difficult to connect with new people as we get older but since I stopped working my social life disappeared. Well, often work was my social life. With chronic fatigue there were nights for that last decade when it went... work bed, supper bed.

When I lived north of her I had friends for every personality type. As many of them had little kids that was the icing on the cake. We were ll close in age and had various things in common. Some of us golfed in summer. Others read the same books as I did. Wewouldgoout for a few bites or a few drinks.

I also had friends from self-help groups. That could be troublesome at times but I was closer to them than I ever was to my sisters. And we could laugh at the past. I remember one friend J who was in H. 2 of us went to visit her and we would sit outside so she could smoke. One evening we were sitting there telling stories. She would have been a great writer had she been able to organize herself. She eventually had a DX of probable DID but there were other things too. Anyway, I remember her telling stories of her Dad. The 3 of us would laugh so hard we would draw attention to ourselves. If people only knew what we were laughing at they would be flabbergasted. They would never understand how her stupid drunk of a father could do anything that would make us laugh. It was so healing!

Now we do nothing. We go walking with a friend occasionally but they are all so different from me. Some complainers, one who is interesting and kind but has lived here for decades and has already carved out a life for herself. We have a few friends but WTF? One called me from a city a few hours away the other night. I have known her for years and she spend the whole freakin' time talking about her golf lessons and the man who teaches them.

I kicked another one to the curb last year because everything was about her. Etc etc.. I have a hair appointment on Thursday (where I live is opening up) and for many reasons I so look forward to it.

The Pandemic has made me realize how empty my life is. I am going to start going back to church if only for the social part of it. I really like my pastor and his family and they owe me a meal. I have tried joining this and that but life is so boring. I am not close to anyone in 3D. Well my cat. And I think I will get her a friend.

I want to be a minion.

RE: Friendships in general - mosaic - 05-25-2020

over my life i can think of only a handful of people that i would consider friends in the way you describe. i had a best friend in 4th and 5th grade. then my family moved across the country (from Idaho to south Texas). the friendship didn't survive the distance.

i didn't have another real friend until after i had been married several years and my husband got stationed in Japan (he was in the air force). there i met a friend at church and we were very close.
our friendship has continued to a degree, but of course, being military, we would get stationed somewhere else, and now we have sporadic contact via email, snail mail or facebook. so it's not the same kind of friendship as it once was.

on our second tour in Japan i made another good friend. we were in contact even after we got transferred to maryland, until she suddenly passed away. it was a terrible loss.

the only other person that was a friend now has dementia, and doesn't really remember me.

i have a ton of acquaintances at church, but no one that i could hang out with the way you describe. i ache for that kind of friend - it has been a rather continual ache for my whole life.

i do feel blessed that i am very close to one of my sisters and she only lives maybe 3 miles from me. even then, i wish i had a friend.

when i worked in an office i enjoyed the social aspect of interacting with my coworkers but never made deep friendships with them.

hmmm.... i guess this is to say even strong introverts need friends, and it has been something i have struggled with.

RE: Friendships in general - The People - 05-25-2020

If someone claims they don't need friends, especially women, IMO something has caused them too much hurt so that they don't trust anyone. Studies in sociology have proven that women need friendships that they can connect with even more than men do. So glad we have this place and other places but face to face over coffee or other beverages are so much nicer.
You are lucky to be close to your sister. I only have 1 sister who speaks with me and she is a lot of work. Thousands of miles away and we still manage to fight. There are things you can tell a friend that you cannot tell a sister.