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Looking for experience from others - The People - 05-05-2018

I am about to start a chapter of my book on love. With the exception of small kids and 4 legged babies I don't have much experience with this. In fact I no longer know when to tell what is love and what is just a kind of appreciation of the other person. I have never really been "in love" with another person. Just wishful thinking. What about you?

RE: Looking for experience from others - nats - 05-07-2018

in our view, love is really tricky b/c its all about how you define it. if we're very loose with our definition then we've probably been in love for a few brief periods - but more that obsessive kind that isn't deep and doesn't last. if we're strict with the full meaning of it, then only our daughter. reality is probably somewhere between these two definitions, b/c there are so many different kinds of love - we love trees, architecture, art, animals (and some people) in that we like spending time with them and it hurts when they're damaged or destroyed. maybe our approach is a bit autistic..

RE: Looking for experience from others - The People - 05-08-2018

And I think that is how we will go Nats. We too have had a few crushes but never anything deep outside the animals. we talk to t about our book and brought up this subject. We talked about the guy who had the agape etc. She said that was old school but we may still include a bit of it. we love the dogs and cats. most of the time.

RE: Looking for experience from others - Shadows - 05-09-2018

We feel confused about love, too. We know we loved our sister. We know we loved our cat. Those were loves that burned deep; we would have given our own lived for those two. But we aren't sure if we have ever loved anyone else. It is hard to know.

RE: Looking for experience from others - nats - 05-13-2018

it often feels like love is a very loaded term, outside people either throw it around loosely, sending emotional hearts and flowers to anyone, or people are so restrictive in its use that it's viewed as a big deal when someone in a film tells their s*xual partner that they love them. i mean honestly, why are they in a relationship for months without feeling something related to love already?

both approaches seem a bit silly to me, but as we said, i don't necessarily have a very balanced view of the whole concept...

RE: Looking for experience from others - The People - 05-13-2018

It seems like most of us have similar views. We can love pes, some can love FM. But for the most part intimate relationships don't cut it for us. Too unsafe and the light down that hallways is very dim.

RE: Looking for experience from others - nats - 05-14-2018

we've often wondered, how is it that so many multiples manage them, or at least manage to get married? seems impossible to us, but obviously some people are much better at this Smile

RE: Looking for experience from others - just peachy - 05-14-2018

hi all I was thinking that very same thing this week,about how multiples can even think about or even manage to ever get married..thank you nats I don't feel so strange after all ..I thought it was ust me who thought like this ..sigh of relief just peachy

RE: Looking for experience from others - The People - 05-15-2018

I have met a woman elsewhere who is married to a multie. It has been a disaster. I never spoke to the multie and don't know her side.

RE: Looking for experience from others - nats - 05-18-2018

a lot of multies here at MM are married and seem to manage it. we've known married multies and their marriages have the usual problems but no worse. always been a bit jealous, but we just can't do it...

RE: Looking for experience from others - The People - 05-18-2018

IMO the multie and partner would both have to be relatively stable

RE: Looking for experience from others - just peachy - 05-19-2018

hi the people what does imo stand for sorry couldn't figure it out ..yeah good point you and nats made I guess its true both parties would have to be stable to make the marriage last . and Nats I am with you on the part apart being jealous of married people that are multies would certainly be really nice to have someone love you and enjoy your company , and accept you as you are which means having multiple personalities ..just peachy

RE: Looking for experience from others - The People - 05-21-2018

IMO + In MyOpinion Smile

RE: Looking for experience from others - Cammy - 06-19-2018

I sincerely thought love was a myth that people used to write songs and poetry about. My first marriage was loveless. Since I didn't think love was real, it didn't seem to matter that I married someone with the element of love missing. I then divorced and spent the next 20 years alone. Then I met my current husband. I could not believe it - it was truly like getting hit by a lightning bolt, as the Italians refer to it. And it is SO true that you cannot pick who you are going to love, it is something that just happens. I can now say that love is one of the most real and powerful forces in the universe. It is wonderful, and it has brought out the best in me and a degree of unselfishness that I didn't even know I was capable of. Best of all, true love is enduring - it definitely stands the test of time and all manner of trials and tribulations. It's the superglue of emotions. After four years of marriage, each day still feels like the honeymoon. My whole existence centers around the object of my love, and I know I would lay down my life for him if needed. I am ever so grateful to have experienced true love and learned that it is real and not a myth. All I can say is that when it hits you, you definitely know it is the real thing. It's pretty unmistakable. And the best part is that any type of difficulties that may occur in the relationship end up actually making the love grow stronger, not weaker. As time goes on, real love actually grows, matures, and flourishes. To this day I often get approached by complete strangers who comment that they can see how much my husband and I love each other just by the way we look at each other in public. I never pictured my husband as the type of man that I would be attractetd to. Lucky for us that I look at people's heart first before anything else, because that's where love resides - in the heart - not in looks, or height or hair color or profession. Keeping an open mind and jettisoning all ideas of the type of physical characteristics that one might have that represents their perfect partner is in my estimation the biggest first step to finding true love. Whatever difficulties exist in the journey to finding love are all well worth it. There is quite literally nothing better than true love.