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DID and identity - nats - 09-21-2015

identity is a complex issue for everyone, it's becoming increasingly recognised politically (e.g. ethnic, sexual, national, work, interest group), yet for multiples there is the huge added challenge of whose 'identity' gets presented to the outside world and how much effort do we put into keeping this consistent. for some of us there is relatively little choice, while for others - e.g. those who maintain a consistent professional career - it can often be important to come across as a coherent, consistent entity. how authentic do you allow yourselves to be in a professional or unaware social environment?

has your system ever struggled with these issues and if so how have you dealt with it?

RE: DID and identity - MakersDozn - 09-21-2015

For us it's a big issue. We know that some multiples may strive to build an identity that's not focused on being multiple, but for us, being multiple is a big part of our sense of self/ves.

Why? Because we are who we are. We see ourselves as are 47 individual selves who make up a collective self. We can't be our individual selves in the outside world, nor can we present as a collective. We have to pretend to be a single, unified self to fit in with the norm. And having to do so frustrates us and leaves us feeling outcast and isolated.

The fabricated "unified self" that we present to the world is fairly consistent, albeit sometimes moody. We don't see ourselves as having the freedom to be authentic anytime in the future. So we have to find a way to make peace with the situation as it is.


RE: DID and identity - The People - 09-21-2015

For us being multiple IS ur identity. Outside of here and a T's office we go by the root person's name (Body name) Nobody ever calls us anything but her name. It is better that way because we don't get confused if someone yelled "Hey Catherine" in a room full of strangers. Or "Hi Hannah" when someone is out that might tell them to f*ck off.

At the same time we have always viewed being multiple as just an extreme version of people's moods. Our moods just happen to have an alter attached to them.. I have friends who are moody. They get angry, sad, happy, drunk. They are in control but not always.

We have alters who do the professional. Mostly Catherine but I (Hannah) step in at times. And occasionally Grey. Grey and Catherine are better at the social but depending on who is around Katherine Ann might join in. If a situation is very serious and we need more than any of us have Gabriel will step forward and speak seriously but without anger. Very in control but prefers to work from the inside.

People still view us as moody. Well, they did when we could hold down a job. Now people don't see us when we are in a dark place, like now. We see pdoc, don't have a T.

It is the control part that we strive for. The brass ring that we never are able to grab.

RE: DID and identity - FreyasSpirit - 09-23-2015

When we started this job, we felt a desire to create space for ourselves. We were openly trans from the beginning and once we encountered the idea of taking hormones and a body mod and started viewing our transition that way, we were open about that as well when the topic came up. We were also openly poly and talked about "one of our partners" when it came up. One time, our boss asked what we were doing for the weekend and we said we were going to visit one of our partners. We did not even realize that phrasing was nonstandard in any way until we thought back to it months later. We also wore our collar to work and on some days, attached our badge to the D ring on our collar and wore it like that at work. Our strategy was to be open about all the "nonstandard" parts of our identity so adding one more would be a small incremental change.

This paid off when we became aware of our plurality 18 months ago. We had someone else front for the first time and a few days later started using plural pronouns everywhere including work. Other than a few small comments about it, nobody said anything and it has not created any issues for us. We go by the body's surname at work which works for each of us and simplifies any desires any of us may have to be called by their name. Being open about plurality has actually led to us meeting three different plural systems at work.

Since then, we have continued to be open, making a coming out post on an work forum and creating a pride shirt about plurality. We bought a pronoun necklace a while ago with the cards "they (plural)", "they (singular)", "she", and "it". Over the last couple weeks, we had beings appear in system who used "it" as their primary pronoun (I [Lucia] use "it" on occasion, but usually use singular they) who were also capable of doing our job for the first time and today set our pronoun necklace at work to "it" for the first time.

We do not believe we are that out as otherkin so that will probably be the next thing we "come out" as at work.

RE: DID and identity - rainbows - 09-24-2015

For us, our Parts can only be Forward for about one hour at a time.
We never have had a job for more than abt one year, altho we have had over a hundred jobs
in our life. ( I know, that's a Lot ! )
If we must go to some Appt or be somewhere for more than an hour,we have a Meeting and see
who will volunteer to be Foreward for an hour and then who will be the back-ups for when whoever
is Forward cannot remain Forward.( Of course appropriate Adult Parts only.)
What is really Difficult for us is when we go to Walmart.
Sometimes a LittleOne will jump Foreward to touch fabric, or one will exclaim at something they
think is very Pretty.
We stay away from the toy aisle.
Tranquilizer keeps us from falling apart from Triggers and ending up in the RestRoom in tears.
And there are plenty of times when one will jump Forward in the middle of a conversation already in progress and begin talking about something else.
SO Fun......NOT. Undecided
We are very Blessed to have a person who takes us to shop and accepts us as we are.
Does not comment when these things occur and treats us with Respect and Great Kindness.
We always tell them we believe they are really an Angel Angel but just won't admit it.

Wish we knew how to be Forward for more than an hour.
Could always be worse. Smile
from rainbows

RE: DID and identity - MakersDozn - 09-27-2015

FreyasSpirit....if you don't mind saying, how much of your system is otherkin?

rainbows....We understand about going to WalMart. Smile We were just there yesterday, and a 15-minute errand turned out to last about an hour and a half.

Mary, Allegra, and others

RE: DID and identity - FreyasSpirit - 09-27-2015

We just did a rough count and came up with about 24/28. It is possible the others will remain identifying as human, but it is also possible they will find their form in time and also end up identifying as otherkin. Erica was around for many months before finding her shadowkin form.

RE: DID and identity - rainbows - 09-27-2015

Thank You MDs.
We feel less alone knowing that others go thru this too.
from rainbows

RE: DID and identity - MakersDozn - 09-28-2015

FreyasSpirit....Thanks for responding. We're trying to broaden our understanding of diversity in multiple systems.

rainbows....We're just a bit disappointed that WalMart didn't have the chocolate goldfish cookies that we like. Smile


RE: DID and identity - The People - 09-28-2015

FreyasSpirit. This is not a judgement call but you must have a very open minded employer. We have known some who tried to ban things like nose rings. In one case a member of the staff was of east Indian culture where this is a normal practice. Fortunately the troll under the bridge lost that round.

RE: DID and identity - FreyasSpirit - 09-28-2015

We are immensely lucky to be able to do that and are well aware of our luck. We are trying to take advantage of the luck as best we can and believe being this open is doing a reasonable job of using the luck well.

RE: DID and identity - rainbows - 09-29-2015

Hi MDs,
Chocolate goldfish crackers sound very good !
We Hope you found them in some other tore.
You know, we have noticed that Walmart has much less selection than it
previously had - in all areas.
What's that about ??
I mean like they are Worldwide and altho I heard their quarterly profit was a bit
less than expected,'s Walmart - Superstore - we thot.
Also things like , it took MONTHS for them to fix the Handicap Bathroom stall.
Never was like that before.
A Mystery. HA !  Smile
from rainbows just wondering

RE: DID and identity - Cammy - 10-01-2015

My D.I.D before I was diagnosed and before I knew what it was, nearly got me fired on more than one occasion. One of my alters is a very vindictive, immature, retaliative, bad-tempered angry teen. When she came to the forefront at work it created serious problems, including me coming close to dismissal a few times. Through the years, as I have come to understand what I am and how my system works and who is in the system, yes I do try to present what I called my 'social interface persona' in certain social and professional situations. This is not a alter personality, but is rather a personality with factors that I have personally engineered in order to give a maximally acceptable presentation. The price for using this interface is that it is completely exhausting because it is fake and forced, but after getting myself into SO MUCH trouble in the past, I still rely on it in certain situations.

RE: DID and identity - nats - 10-02-2015

so empathising Igraine Wink. we've learnt to present a very superficial 'false front' for many work and social situations, but it takes effort and people often come through if something interests/upsets them. perhaps fortunately, we generally work from home or in an environment with many highly intelligent but socially awkward people, which means only spectacular slippages get noticed..

RE: DID and identity - MakersDozn - 10-12-2015

The best alternative that we have to creating and using a false front is for Allegra to deal with outside people. But this leaves the rest of us feeling trapped, isolated, the negative feeling of your choice.

Laura and others