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Hard to be the one on the sidelines. - Printable Version

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Hard to be the one on the sidelines. - The People - 01-22-2015

While I won't be explicit this may be MT for some people due to the darkness of it.

3I have been friends although not close with a woman since before I moved here. There have been so many disasters in her life over the last few years. First her best friend died unexpectedly and the husband remarried so quickly I would be checking her blood work again if this was TV.

Her mother had cancer and fought it for a long time and then d**d. The good thing with this is that she made peace with herself.

Her son had hat might be considered a minor injury but it fouled up his career (Masters level and he got lost)

She herself had injuries caused by a fall and never had them checked.

Injured son went on a journey and they got a call from a psych hospital. Days away each way.

I got an email back from her after sending an ecard 9and a sympathy card after she lost Mom). She is doing just fine! She is at peace with her Mom. In fact while she was cooking a meal she felt her mother came over and hugged her (yes AD) and now their souls are attached. The son who went on his journey decided that it was a spiritual thing. Maybe. But talk to a very high % of people who have had psychotic breaks and they feel the same way. Many never get past it.

There is nothing I can do. There needs to be intervention but I am not the one. Brother is not the type to get involved and other family is unstable. I feel so helpless.

She started to study Buddhist ways although remaining Christian so maybe some of this comes from that religious faith but I don't think so. I think she just had too much dropped on her plate and cracked. I would never tell her that. Never try to get her to question what she believes to be true. We aren't close enough and she has pulled back anyway.

So hard to see someone in this state. Instability has been part of the family for years. Dad is a drinker.

I am babbling. SP stuff is about all I can do I guess. But I feel so sad for her.

One might say, who am I to question them but my professional and personal experiences tell me something is wrong.

RE: Hard to be the one on the sidelines. - orek - 01-23-2015

That is hard to say. Any one of those things alone does not put up a red flag for me. For instance, my very normal, functional, sane cousin truly believes that after my sister died (this cousin is close enough to the family to be more like an honorary sister than a cousin, so my sister's death hit her hard, too), my sister somehow sent her a heart image on her printer. I guess it came out randomly; she had no explanation for why that image was coming through on her printer; and she felt in her gut it was a "message" from my sister. That kind of thing is common. So if your friend felt her mom's "ghost" hug and that brought her some sense of resolution and of carrying her mom with her, then that might be her mind's way of making peace so she can deal with it and NOT crack.

The Buddhist stuff I can relate to, also. Even though I don't consider myself Buddhist and no longer identify as a Christian, reading books on Buddhist thought and meditation has been helping me immensely with learning to be in the "now" and with helping to reset my nervous system from its chronic emergency mode status. I can see how the Buddhist teachings might help your friend let go of all the things she has no control of in her life, which obviously is plenty! Yipes, poor woman.

But ultimately, I don't know from afar. You know your friend and are picking up on some danger signs. That's what matters. And what matters to me more is how troubling and triggering it is for you. Maybe you can do your own version of wishing her healing--prayers, sending positive energy, lighting a candle, whatever your own preferred belief system feels comfortable with--and be sure to allow yourself to "let go" when you do since you are not in the position to speak into the situation.

Take care. Your friend is lucky to have someone like you notice and care.

RE: Hard to be the one on the sidelines. - The People - 01-24-2015

Thanks Orek. I like the idea of doing something for her that would help let it go. The more I try to help or give input the more she backs off. And ultimately there is nothing at all I can do unless she comes to me. If I push she will never come. And I am not a T. Thanks for putting it into perspective.