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Happy Birthday....Not. - Printable Version

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Happy Birthday....Not. - MakersDozn - 01-04-2015

Today is the body's birthday. We are feeling very alone. We live alone and choose to be alone, but then we feel isolated in having to deal with all the stress in our life. The last five years have been extremely difficult.

Our father got sick in the spring of 2010. We had to help take care of him until he passed at the end of September 2014. We did not live with him, but we spent considerable time and physical, mental, and emotional energy helping to take care of him. Now that he is gone, we feel a tremendous sense of loss.

One of our two brothers ("B2") has special needs. He lived with our father, a short distance from us. We have another brother ("B1") who is married and has two teenage daughters. They live four hours away. B2 is self-supporting but has been sheltered from many things in life. Now he has to get re-situated. The house has to be cleaned out and sold, and B2 has to find an apartment. He is clueless in a number of ways regarding how to function independently, so we and B1 are left having to guide him on a step-by-step basis, *in addition* to dealing with the estate and such.

We/MDs are feeling very resentful. We didn't sign up for this. There's a reason we never married or had outside kids. We have enough to deal with by ourselves: Having to work when we hate working; dealing with system issues; dealing with therapy; dealing with depression and anxiety and CPTSD; dealing with mundane day-to-day things.

Enough already.

Happy birthday? NOT.

Various MDs


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - The People - 01-04-2015

Well we hope you find something happy for your birthday. It must be very hard going through all of this. It is hard enough to lose a parent without the extra challenge of working through it with your brother. You have a right to the resentment. Are there any community supports that could help him? Take some of the weight off you? I am sorry you are stuck with it all too. I was fortunate in that I was hours away by plane and had many siblings to look after things. A piece of it was missing however. There is no right way to do this. A friend is going through it right now with her mother and she too has all of it on her plate. It is hard. But you will get through it. I hear ya.

One thing about losing someone is that for many of us it triggers a whole lot of other losses. So be mad, sad, afraid... allow the feelings out. Of they will stick in youj like that chewing gum your parents told you not to swallow. According to mine it stays in your gut for 5 ears if you swallow it. So don't swallow your gum and don't swallow your emotions. I am familiar with that feeling of aloneness. It sucks. But you will get through it.


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - MakersDozn - 01-04-2015

Appreciate your thoughts and support. The good thing is that we've had more good talks with B1 lately. He's more receptive as we've gotten older. We credit SIL for being a good influence on him, and we told them so. They've known each other since the late 80s and have been married since 1995.

We talked to B1 today. He and SIL and the girls customarily call to sing "Happy Birthday." It helped to talk to him after the singing was over, but it doesn't solve our problems. We still have to deal with all our issues after hanging up the phone.

Not looking forward to going to work tomorrow. Well, that's nothing new. Non-survivors don't understand. Singletons don't understand. People with living parents don't understand. So many people don't f*cking understand.

Undecided

MDs


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - tweeter - 01-05-2015

Well, I didn't go thru any of this with either parent. Closest I've come to this sort of family loss, complete with home dismantling and sale, was when fm's mom passed. By then, I was divorced and pretty much on the fringe.
Sitting with you,
tweeter


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - nats - 01-05-2015

sitting with you...


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - Tangled Web - 01-05-2015

sitting with you also MDs


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - MakersDozn - 01-08-2015

You guys all mean so much to us, and we appreciate all of you.

Menopause is exacerbating our mood swings. A pharmacist (a woman in her fifties) recommended taking soy. We bought some organic chocolate soy milk and are drinking some every day. Hoping it helps. We also found an online support forum for menopause.

Lifting our Rootbeer glass to all of you.

MDs


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - orek - 01-10-2015

So sorry I missed your birthday post. Happy Belated, MDs. We are so glad you are here, in this world and in our MM community. MM wouldn't be the same without you!


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - MakersDozn - 01-10-2015

Thanks, orek. Feeling some better now. Hormones calm ATM.

Keeping semi-occupied watching the football playoffs. Your Seahawks are on tonight. They're good. Maybe too good. It's hard to repeat a championship run, though.

We're trying to stay on an even keel. Not easy. Still helping clean out our parents' house. Another real-estate appraisal scheduled for tomorrow.

MDs


RE: Happy Birthday....Not. - orek - 01-12-2015

"Good"?? Oh, MDs that is so quaint. Our Hawks are what the kids call "da bomb." Okay, maybe they called it that in the 80s or something, but.

We will win the Superbowl again, my friend. Oh, we will win again.

Sure hope the house sells and all the heartbreaking semantics are resolved soon. Take care.