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Yellow submarine needs repair... - Printable Version

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Yellow submarine needs repair... - small porgies - 08-24-2014

Small Porgies here. Been an interesting summer. I'm getting closer to remembering. Traumatic memory is not as bad thought. I have a shoe box under a bed in a room in the house where the abuse took place and I take it out and I guess it is like looking at Polaroids. Anybody have something similar? I can look at some photos for a couple of seconds then everything blurs and vanishes.

Anyhow, the problem being I have no ability to take care of myself. Taking care of things like money in the bank, going to the doctor, eating on a regular basis is almost as confusing as reading Chinese. I have no problem, and in fact I excel at helping others achieve their dreams. If I could turn that energy toward me my life would change dramatically. I have no understanding of the words abundance and healthy self care. Homelessness is a common theme for me. I've never been there but I have been very close to it.
My therapist and I tried very hard to find the tapes that are running the program. At the end these two statements popped up. "There is no me and I have no value." So, the homework was to try to prove or disprove these two ideas. I mean I feel I'm on the verge of self nurturing but I eventually take away anything that matters to me because I see it as selfishness. Others first has always been the rallying cry. My therapist actually reminded me that I can no longer help others. My empathy and compassion is killing me. Had no idea that loving myself would be so bloody difficult. Hope you are all well.

RE: Yellow submarine needs repair... - angel with wings - 08-25-2014

it could of been me writing this. we sound a lot alike. I feel like im in hopelessness and I have no value, and no one wants me. my husband is my greatest source of hope and feeling valued. Besides my belief in God). having that one person in my life has made all the difference and has kept me safe.

RE: Yellow submarine needs repair... - small porgies - 08-26-2014

Thanks. As my therapist says, "fake it 'till you make it." So I'm trying to fake self care. Arghh!

RE: Yellow submarine needs repair... - angel with wings - 08-26-2014

I find that helps too.