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Told some one about me - Printable Version

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Told some one about me - Downtherabbithole - 05-05-2014

I told my friend about me. I didn't use the words like did or mpd cause the stigma attatched but now I've got mixed feeling about it. I don't know if sh will still want to be friends. But this song keeps going thru my head. Its from frozen that disney movie. Sometimes I associate with Anna too trusting n open to ppl. But times like now I associate with Elsa. Girl with a secret I'm afraid for ppl to find out. I could just walk away n never see those ppl again if she didn't want to be friends. It would hurt, but I would be alone but I would be free. Here's the words

Let It Go

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the queen.

The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door

I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway

It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all

It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free

Let it go, let it go
I am one with the wind and sky
Let it go, let it go
You’ll never see me cry

Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on

My power flurries through the air into the ground
My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past

Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That perfect girl is gone

Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on,
The cold never bothered me anyway

RE: Told some one about me - The People - 05-11-2014

I hope she has enough understanding and compassion to still be a friend. Sometimes people need time to absorb because they either know little and need to research or know enough to realize that your childhood sucked and that too is a lot to absorb. Brave step forward!

RE: Told some one about me - Downtherabbithole - 05-13-2014

She did, she is. I still have to be careful what I tell her. She works with a man who hurt me. She knows nothing of what happened. Well not really. I've kept everything more generalised since that time. Though, my t ( who was a friend n knew most of stuff, was one helping with the parts stuff just cut communications so the person I expected had broken off friendship is still friends with even though as u say alot to take in and dispite not beibg able to explsin why i left church or why im so afraid. but the guy who knew bout all inc parts is the one that said one thing then appears to of completely cut communications even after many attempts to contact n even asking via email if he had been angry with me over something I'd said. But nothing. My other friend from different situation also knowing most of story seemed to turn on me in a well now uve faced it once you gotta snap out of it n never think or talk about it again cause its done now. Like a fear of water or elevators or whatever is fixed the first time u face it. More do this one. But I see something. The issue was that their support seemed that it was hinged on whether I went to their church and they seemed to of gotten their noses out of joint because facing one of my fears meant going to a church that wasn't theirs. Like out friendship hinged on my attendance or loyalty to a church not the person. The girl that understood the did or my rather harsh view on god church n the like. If I said I wasn't going back shed prob be annoyed too. But I get it, she doesn't know the reason why. But the other two... I wasn't selling my soul to any church by facing fear. It wasn't about finding a church it was freeing myself. From his hold n its working. I've been around him twice n not freaked out. It's getting easier. I don't even feel the need to say anything n he's too busy these days to try so I feel safe facing it for most part as long as keep cool n not show fear. The fear is fading a lil by lil. I've gone twice but to see my friend n face my fear.
This eruption of civil unrest between friends behaving like they were being supportive only cause thought I'd go to there church even though never said I was ready for church. Or that I was ready to believe or whatever. It wasn't bout church it was about not being haunted. N also the friend who was new to it all seeming to off gone off grid from what I'd shared was around time couldn't get onto here. The post here was last time could get on till now. So it was like abandonment on all side n god taking away my last support, mm. Im relieved to be able to get back on here. But I guess point trying to make felt like was in middle of tug of war. 3 friends, from 3 different churches I once attended ages ago. I can, could see all of them outside church so it wasn't that didn't see them at all but I feel slightly... What's that word. Like ppl being nice because they wanted my vote as it were. To make them feel good or whatever, not because actually care. Now showing true colours because they think they aren't getting there way even though I had never wanted it to be about any of that n I never implied that I'd go to there church if they were supportive. It never came up. I feel like I'm alone again. In all of this. Like the ppl I trusted had ulterior motives to helping. I never wanted to be in middle of this. This sucks. I'm not been ready to trust god again yet, yet alone go to church to go to church. Or be a part of a church.maybe its safer, easier sometimes to just try figuring it out yourself. Ppl use ya, don't understand or judge ya. Just blows. That's all