Another day of struggling

[Cammy]

Yep, well, here we go again. Just letting everyone know I'm safe. I'm in my room with a loyal dog cuddled up to me for comfort, so all that part is cool.

Didn't I just go through this about 48 hours ago? One minute I'm doing fine, and the next I'm back to being totally freaked out...like really panic attacked this time more than depressed type of upset. When this happens I have no where to turn except here. By letting the expression of the feeling out, I can somehow cope so much better. I never had this outlet before, and does it ever make a huge difference when the panic and anxiety strike. Not sure about a trigger for all of this. I took a picture of myself with my computer and really couldn't believe what I saw. I didn't recognize myself at all. That can't be me, but it is. I saw the picture of someone who is self-destructing from the inside out and outside in. Can't hide it all anymore. I'm freaked. There has to be changes or things are going to keep sliding. I keep trying to make things better, but the point has come where I have to get up, physically start moving, and make the changes that will make things better. I think these little shocks are my self-preservation bits pushing me to action. But the person in the picture...even though I don't recognize what I'm seeing, it's still me and I don't like what I see at all.