Hello...confused
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Cammy Offline
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#1
Hello...confused
Hi, I'm Igraine. I was diagnosed with DID by two independent professionals about 15 years ago. Right now I'm under the care of a psychiatrist for depression and for getting me off all my meds, and he doesn't think I have DID. The people who cared for me over 20 years have identified at least six parts to my personality system, but unless I'm super stressed, I'm stable, and even if I'm not stable I am unaware of who I am at any given time. My public persona is well honed and it is a social interphase that I flip into automatically when out in the world, so the world gets a consistent stable view of what they think is me. Now I have this psychiatrist who doubts the diagnosis, and now I'm not really knowing who or what I am or what to think or feel, or if I am or am not multiple or just what it is. I guess I'm confused and frustrated. I finally accept what I am and professionals start disputing it. Now I don't know what I am. The care givers who observed me for 20 years and did all the testing must have a better picture of me than a psychiatrist who has only seen and met with 'The Public Persona' (a charming lady by the way) for only a few months. Crap, I hate it when people don't let sleeping dogs lie.

I haven't been back here for years. I guess part of my distress is realizing that this is what I will be for the rest of my life. When someone tries to invalidate all the work I've had to do just trying to,accept what I am, it's very upsetting. That's probably why I've come back here where there are others like me with similar experiences. At least here no one will try to tell me that they don't think I have DID.
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(This post was last modified: 03-05-2013, 01:03 AM by Cammy.)
03-05-2013, 12:36 AM
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nats Offline
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#2
RE: Hello...confused
hi Igraine (love the name by the way),
we're similar with a hyper-functional public persona and a 'bit of moodiness'. most of our people find daily life extremely dull and ignore it entirely unless there is an interesting crisis going on (e.g. Confused).

so, professionals don't see the inner reality and just have to go on what they see on the surface. someone who spent 20yrs with you is more likely to know than someone new.

take care and hope to see you around the forums!
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
03-05-2013, 06:14 AM
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Cammy Offline
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RE: Hello...confused
(03-05-2013, 06:14 AM)nats Wrote: hi Igraine (love the name by the way),
we're similar with a hyper-functional public persona and a 'bit of moodiness'. most of our people find daily life extremely dull and ignore it entirely unless there is an interesting crisis going on (e.g. Confused).

so, professionals don't see the inner reality and just have to go on what they see on the surface. someone who spent 20yrs with you is more likely to know than someone new.

take care and hope to see you around the forums!
Nats...thank you for your reply. I feel better reading your words and less uncertain that I am what I am. Wish I could stuff these doubters in my head for five minutes so they could experience it for themselves. They'd be screaming to get out in 30 seconds I'll bet. I guess it's really hard for a mono mind to even conceive what this is like..sort of like us 3D humans trying to imagine what the 5th dimension is like. Thanks again Nats for caring enough to reply. It meant a great deal to me. Igraine.
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03-05-2013, 03:56 PM
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Cammy Offline
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RE: Hello...confused
(03-05-2013, 03:56 PM)Igraine Wrote:
(03-05-2013, 06:14 AM)nats Wrote: hi Igraine (love the name by the way),
we're similar with a hyper-functional public persona and a 'bit of moodiness'. most of our people find daily life extremely dull and ignore it entirely unless there is an interesting crisis going on (e.g. Confused).

so, professionals don't see the inner reality and just have to go on what they see on the surface. someone who spent 20yrs with you is more likely to know than someone new.

take care and hope to see you around the forums!
Nats...thank you for your reply. I feel better reading your words and less uncertain that I am what I am. Wish I could stuff these doubters in my head for five minutes so they could experience it for themselves. They'd be screaming to get out in 30 seconds I'll bet. I guess it's really hard for a mono mind to even conceive what this is like..sort of like us 3D humans trying to imagine what the 5th dimension is like. Thanks again Nats for caring enough to reply. It meant a great deal to me. Igraine.


Update: now that I'm doing the CBT the strangest thing is happening: my others were often very nebulous to me. For some reason, the CBT has brought then all into sharper focus. For the first time I can really identify individuals. I feel closer to my others than I ever have before. Who have guessed? Igraine.
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Disclaimer: Any words or phrases used in our posts are meant in a completely respectful manner. Please know that we always endeavour to be kind and supportive.
03-12-2013, 11:17 PM
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nats Offline
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RE: Hello...confused
(03-12-2013, 11:17 PM)Igraine Wrote: Update: now that I'm doing the CBT the strangest thing is happening: my others were often very nebulous to me. For some reason, the CBT has brought then all into sharper focus. For the first time I can really identify individuals. I feel closer to my others than I ever have before. Who have guessed? Igraine.

excellent Smile
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
03-13-2013, 04:46 AM
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Silent Society Offline
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#6
RE: Hello...confused
Hi Ingraine. I just want to tell you that I understand as well. My outside is very stable as well. Very few in my outside world know about the others and they wouldnt believe me if I told them. For me, believing in the 'otherness' of us is the only thing that has brought me any type of peace. If it makes sense to you, then you are multiple. It doesnt matter what anyone else says because they dont have to live in your head.
03-17-2013, 03:20 PM
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nats Offline
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RE: Hello...confused
(03-17-2013, 03:20 PM)Silent Society Wrote: Hi Ingraine. I just want to tell you that I understand as well. My outside is very stable as well. Very few in my outside world know about the others and they wouldnt believe me if I told them. For me, believing in the 'otherness' of us is the only thing that has brought me any type of peace. If it makes sense to you, then you are multiple. It doesnt matter what anyone else says because they dont have to live in your head.

very well said.
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
03-17-2013, 03:32 PM
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