Anger with God
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dragonfairy Offline
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Posts: 118
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Joined: Mar 2013
#16
RE: Anger with God
Wow after reading this thread I think I am more screwed in the head then I was before. You say are you mad at "god". Where was this so called god when we were all suffering as children and being made into who we are now? I was forced to go to church to repent for my sins while I was not the one sinning daily. I would beg this so called god to please stop the abuse and pain that I endured daily for 14 years straight from my biological mother and her first husband but no god came to save us. All the prayers in the world did nothing to help us. If there is a god as you say then why in the world would he let innocent children suffer unimaginable pain each and every day? I stopped believing in organized religion long ago as I found that what others call their god never gave a damn about us. We realized that the only one we could count on was ourselves. So I guess you could say h*ll yeah we are mad at this so called god. As for the comment about being born into your family well that to may be what we were forced into but some of us are lucky enough in the end to walk away from that abusive situation and choose whom we now call family. Because those that created us were our bio family and we surely don't claim them one bit. But the few we have that love and support us are our true and loving family in the end. Sorry for the rant but this subject is really raw for us. Will be quiet now.

katie
Runs with scissors.....Bwahahahahahahah
08-19-2013, 04:48 PM
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finlyalive Offline
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Joined: May 2013
#17
RE: Anger with God
We read each post and we completely agree. With everyone. Strangely. Our early childhood we sought faith on our own. As a teen, the bios found religion and things changed drastically. Still not sure if it was good or bad. As we were bounced around from bio to bio, things got really confusing. At least one of us held tightly to our faith. After all, wouldn't it bring relief at some point? There were battles with loss and battles with victory. Rachael kept the faith. When we were told we were possessed because we were we, well that was different and it upset the system beyond belief. Rachael hid for a while. And then, the only way to create a family was to marry. So, Rachael married. Each child we were blessed with was truly a miracle. Never had love been felt until they lay that miracle in our arms. It was the same for each child that followed.

And then, four and one half years ago, it all began to unravel. An event that seemed like such a cruel trick of nature, of God. We could no longer accept what was expected. We could no longer allow the system to be emotionally bound. The system existed within the family unit. The littles had playmates and there were care takers and guardians. But, no one was allowed outside the family unit. Not us and not our children. We sought help and, ultimately, we took our children and left the thing called husband. We found love and acceptance for the first time in our lives for who we are. But, that too, was unraveling. Each day a little more comes unraveled and we're not sure how much is left. We try to hang on to that faith and to remember those victories that seem so small now in comparison to what we need now. So much has been taken, given away, trampled, torn and thrown away. We no longer ask 'why', 'when', 'how'... We no longer ask 'how much more can we stand?' Because that seems to lead to more burden. We don't ask to understand or even strength to endure. We simply ask for deliverance, mercy, compassion and forgiveness. We have lost almost everything now. Faith is one of the very few things left. It is hard to look back because there is so little memory. It is impossible to look forward because what could happen is so scary. Right now is not always here.

So, I have no real answers. We have gone through the anger. We have gone through the grief. We, too, are raw. Family is who loves you and who you love, not who shares your blood. We don't believe that everything that happens is God's fault. We have always believed that He can take those thing, though, and make them right. We are also waiting. If this is our test, we are failing miserably. If we are to learn from this, it would be that you should never take anything for granted because they can take everything from you. But, they can't take your faith and they can't take your love.
Fin


Only as high as I reach, can I grow.
Only as far as I seek, can I go.
Only as deep as I look, can I see.
Only as much as I dream, can I be.
--Karen Ravn
08-29-2013, 09:25 PM
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