What would you do?
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The People Offline
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#1
Sad  What would you do?
A long, long time ago when I read up on Ts and boundaries they gave a list of things to watch for. One of them was financial. T letting you pay a different amount than other clients or pay nothing at all.

I expect that the T I have now is sliding scale. I see her every 2 weeks and pay the same amount as I did with my last 2 Ts (one had cut it in half rather than my cutting my appointments in half. ) Today T offered not to charge me. I have had a lot going on financially and today was a bad day. I couldn't do it. Partly because I would feel guilty because I bought a bottle of wine or a pack of M&Ms. Especially the wine. I didn't explain what I had read. I don't want to do that.

What would you do? How would you feel? I am in a really bad place. My car is acting up and I have chipped teeth and chipped glasses. A senior who told me she was going to leave me her condo said instead that she was going to sell it in order to afford senior care.

I understand that. I was expecting that. But I had hoped that I would get a break. NSFL.I don't get breaks ever. Except for fr broken teeth and glasses and my car. That is not completely true but my life is sh*t.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-02-2018, 11:15 PM
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nats Offline
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#2
RE: What would you do?
we would have said thank you and accepted her offer not to pay. we have money phobias and our view is biased, but that's what we would have done. we also would have skipped the wine and m&ms b/c we're paranoid of not having enough for emergencies, but again, we're definitely not within the average on this topic. we stopped t years ago b/c despite getting a discount we still couldn't justify the money to ourselves given we didn't seem to be making much progress.

not suggesting anyone copy our approach, just saying we would accept an offer from T not to pay - tho not necessarily other things as you then might be expected to pay in even more unpleasant ways..
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
03-03-2018, 04:57 AM
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The People Offline
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#3
RE: What would you do?
I appreciate your advice. However, we are unwilling to give up the M&Ms (littles love them and undoubtedly wouldn't comply) And we most likely wouldn't give up the wine (don't drink beer as often so a non-issue). But we like a glass of wine now and again and self-deprivation would rear its ugly head, leaving us feeling angry with her. So perhaps we will send a note explaining this to her. The bottom line is that we hate reaching out for help although we are the first to offer anything we have. Yesterday was a very bad day,
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-03-2018, 04:40 PM
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The People Offline
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#4
RE: What would you do?
You nowat nats. we al daserve somthin nise. iget them m&m yelo bag. bigs get wine. tens get piza there. kitte get new food. aaalso we get new snow to plaay in.

you a nise person there. i think you dasie you dont sdaserve muny things but we all do. but som days bigs daside the y derserve a nap.they have it. no mony cost.

ifn you dont want to spent mony at thistime you can say things lke i daserve a... and then daside wat that thing is. i daserve that frend of unsher who disaper. two daside she have the mem yelo.big hav the wine.we all play at the lotta snow.

youpik somthin you lika do. say i daserve this. everone daserve nise things. and you a nise person so you piksomthin.

peak whose 6 of two sister.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-04-2018, 03:06 AM
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The People Offline
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#5
RE: What would you do?
you tel my kitee bad to bite there. fro two,
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-04-2018, 03:10 AM
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nats Offline
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#6
RE: What would you do?
we know you're all correct. it's taken us till adulthood, but now we have our own money we've learnt to spend as well as save. we still struggle, but better....

we don't think you should skip m&ms and wine if those are the things that help you feel good, just as we don't want to skip our morning coffee even though we physically don't need it. these things we use to help us feel like the world is alright are different for all of us (which is why we would skip yours but that doesn't mean we're saying you should skip them).

maybe best thing is, as you said, tell T all of this that you're struggling and need support but don't feel comfortable getting a free session. sometimes I wonder whether the reason we multiples suffer so much with these kinds of issues is that we try harder to be good than most people seem to. therefore, when we don't live up to our overly ambitious expectations of what this means we feel terrible - again, not saying this is any of you, but sometimes find myself and ourselves worrying about how to do things that monominds never seem to think about...
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
03-04-2018, 05:03 AM
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The People Offline
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#7
RE: What would you do?
We did write our T and tell her how we felt. As well we decided that it was time to let the car go to car heaven. Plus we are going to try and order our glasses online so we will save about $500. We will stop driving at the end of April when our registration is due for renewal.Freddie Jr. is almost 18 and is no classic car. It makes me sad but it is my best choice. I would have to rebuild the whole thing to make it work again. I spent a lot of money already which makes me sad. Like car chemo to give me a few extra months.

I am dealing with it by writing a chapter on rights and responsibilities. For so long we had no rights. Then we were like a dog let off a leash. Just running and running. Shouting "I have rights!" That is what got me into this mess. I never combined the two. The path of rights and the path of responsibilities have always run parallel for me. It is time to braid the two paths together.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-07-2018, 01:58 AM
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nats Offline
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#8
RE: What would you do?
took us awhile too. knew we had responsibilities, but the rights were so confusing. we still feel like we're doing something wrong if we buy a bottle of wine. our car is of a similar classic age without the classic stylings. will have to make a similar decision at some point, but we're lucky enough not to 'need' a car, though it's convenient in the cold!

seems we never stop growing up do we..!
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
03-07-2018, 10:07 AM
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The People Offline
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#9
RE: What would you do?
when we worked we needed a car.if we were still working... we had a period where we lived in an oil city, my friends were married. their husbands had oil jobs. it was then that we got our first taste of doing what we wanted. Grey especially.clothes, travel (not far) eating out... trying t emulate everyone else but without the well to do partner to help fund things.Everything just got out of control. We managed to get ourselves out of it but when we moved here... things just went from bad to worse. I still get mad and say I deserve but there is nothing can be done now.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
03-08-2018, 04:42 AM
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