Can They Really Hear Me?

[Cammy]

Agreeing with nats on this one. I wish it were as simple as having the others listen to me when I talk to them, but sometimes there are reasons they can't hear. I have had some success in the past, however, by talking to and validating alters that were feeling under-valued and hence acting up as a result. Once I spoke to them, or wrote to them in my journal and told them how much I appreciate that they are carrying my pain (or whatever function they had), the acting out stopped and my system became more cooperative. It is not always possible for all alters to hear you. For one thing amnesia barriers may prevent this type of communication, and there are many other barriers that prevent the alters from either being able to or even wanting to listen to or acknowledge you. The sensible approach, in my view, is not to push too hard or too fast, since few people appreciate this type of approach. Your alters are individuals. As individuals they too do not appreciate being pushed too fast or forced to do things they are not yet ready for. I have found that the best approach is to develop a feeling of deep respect for all my alters, hidden or otherwise. The respect goes a long way to fostering cooperation and gaining the trust of those within me who are sensitive to trust issues. I've had to spend time to get a grasp of who my individuals are, and then to slowly get to know them. Once I got to know them, I began to understand why they exist in my personality system. For me it was a very slow process to find all the pieces of myself and start to truly feel them as individuals, with the individuals slowly emerging with names & their own unique memories and personalities. Nothing about this was rushed, and I don't know if it can be. It is possible that the harder you push, the more some of your internal personalities may dig in their heels and defy you at every turn. I realize that it is very difficult, but it is my opinion that patience and an attitude of open listening might serve you best.