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morethanjustlex Offline

Posts: 5
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Joined: Jun 2016
I'm new/Introduction  *waves hello*
Hello there Smile My name is Lex. I'm relatively new to being the 'main person' out and running things, it's been a really crazy transition over the past few years and it's happening for a bunch of reasons. One thing I really want to see happen is more honesty about who we are, and an ability to confide in others about ourselves and the way we live. We are a mother to one amazing little girl, she's 6 and highly gifted. Loving, raising, and playing with her is the one thing we all seem to thrive on and enjoy the most in life.

When I discovered the 'other people', I was married to a man who was (at the time) very supportive and accepting of my "disorder" (hate that term). I have not ever told another living soul about the 'people', save for him, and now that our marriage is over I am afraid to tell anyone else. It is very isolating being back to the dark, living in hiding, especially because I KNOW this time around. My husband was abusive and I am glad the marriage has ended and that I am safe - but not sure what this means for my people now. Many are in mourning after the divorce, many refuse to come outside. Rooms in the 'internal home' are falling into disrepair and people are going back to being confused and scared by switching or coming outside. 

I want us all to continue growing and working together as we have been for the past 4 years, and I believe that if I am going to accomplish this, I will need to admit to others what and who we are, and have comfort being open and honest about this life and how I'm handling it. A place to stop holding my breath and just "be myselves", as it were. I hope that's what I find here!

Eventually I am sure I will get into the story of "us", how we came to be and how we were discovered, and about my abusive marriage and the crap that went along with that (and how my 'other people' ultimately saved me!) but for now - a simple introduction of all of us (that I know so far anyways, every so often I find someone new and I expect that will keep happening for some time) Smile

The Original Me, "Eryn" - 29 year old woman. From what I can tell, she is frequently scared and depressed and doesn't think much of herself. I am still trying to work out what was definitely her and what was the other people, she used her own name for all of us for 25 long years so it's still difficult to differentiate sometimes. She's been hiding inside, confused and upset, since a few months before the divorce, when my abuse was particularly bad.

Lex (short for "Lexica") - that's me! Big Grin 21 year old hetero female, I was previously in charge of enduring loss and grief, but I have been the "main person" now for just over a year, my role became really prominent during the bad marriage and because I am the most aware of all the other people, the internal world, switching patterns, roles of others. I am doing my best to help manage everyone else now that Eryn has gone into hiding.

Ev - 29 year old female, fiesty and easily angered. She is very 'protective' of us all, but honestly she's not well-liked around here because her protective actions can be really harsh and intimidating, and we don't always agree with them. She loves us, but she can do some real damage sometimes in her efforts to keep us all safe.

Anais ("Ana") - 29 year old lesbian female, not too well-known yet, she showed up to try to "mend" our failing (abusive) marriage and ultimately wound up helping us escape it. She was hurt pretty badly a couple of times by our ex-husband but she is calm and logical and sweet, and led us all to safety even though she loved him greatly. 

Rajesh ("Raj") - 28 year old homosexual male of Indian descent. Quiet and not too social, loves reading, mainly looks after the child people and 'builds' things we need in the internal world. He was involved in a homosexual relationship with our ex-husband and has been grieving since the divorce. Likes to be outside but prefers having more masculine clothing, sometimes prosthetics, to feel fully comfortable.

Bonnie ("Bones") - 18 year old bisexual female. Loud and punk-rock, confrontational. Prone to substance use and reckless behaviour. Addictive personality. Not very accepting of the other people or even the notion of DID (doesn't believe in it) so when she's outside she is usually confused and starts to self-medicate pretty quickly.

Kik - 16 year old straight male, aggressive, cynical and seems angry at all the other people very often. Does not like being out, struggles with the gender gap and finds it repulsive. Sleeps inside indefinitely until we are faced with physical danger or extreme physical pain - at which point he happily swoops in to endure that for us. We really appreciate that about him, though we don't know him well. <3

Sonnenschein ("Nenschi" or "Nen") - 15 year old female, self-harmer, endured quite a lot of time in psychiatric hospitals during our youth, under the care of a really horrible doctor. She does not like feeling trapped, and is prone to impulsive behaviour, extreme mood swings, and self-injury. Often struggles with side-effects from medications she believes we still take. EMPATHIZES WITH OUR CHILDHOOD ABUSER and must be protected from the "truth" about him.

Marigold ("Mari G") - 14 year old female, the only one of us who is religious. Timid and sweet, but sensitive and easily brought to tears. Suffers from unending guilt about everything, struggles to understand the other people and how we came to be multiple. Now that she has come to know the basics, she is often preoccupied with worries about their afterlives and what this means for us from a spiritual perspective. I'm sure she will want to discuss this lots. An amazing gardener.

Ryleigh - ("The Baby") - 4 years old, inadvertently "gets loose" in the internal world and causes damage to the rooms and upset among the other people. She has only been outside a few times, and each time terrified her beyond belief and Rajesh had his hands full calming her down. I worry about the ways she may react if she knows about the "outside world" too much, and she is really precious to us as she seems to have extraordinary psychic talents and an innocence and lack of corruption we can't begin to imagine, we have all been through so much. 

Cheshire - A very large black jaguar, with vibrantly coloured spots. Cheshire was created by a few of the other people, and while he has real thoughts and autonomous actions, I'm not sure he counts as one of "us", but he is certainly present in our internal world so I felt he deserved a note here. He has never been outside. I don't know if that's possible, gosh I sure hope not. Lol. 

Very nice to meet you all! Looking forward to learning and growing and most of all DISCLOSING to all of you - this is a lonely life without another human who knows the majority of my names. (Switching to my name has been a little difficult, frankly, and I'm thinking of making it legal. Has anyone else ever done that??).
(This post was last modified: 06-21-2016, 11:37 PM by morethanjustlex.)
06-21-2016, 11:01 PM
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mosaic Offline
just another one of us

Posts: 991
Threads: 121
Joined: Dec 2011
RE: *waves hello*
Welcome all to mosaic minds! this is definitely the place where you can be you (plural) without fear. we look forward to getting to know you better.
06-22-2016, 09:03 AM
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The People Offline
Long Time Member Who grew Up Here

Posts: 2,590
Threads: 899
Joined: Jun 2012
RE: *waves hello*
Curious about the jaguar. Does it have any meaning? Not just to you but out there. Years and years ago we had a dream that involved one. SP details. He is not part of our system but while the dream is decades old we remember it vividly.

Welcome to MM!
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
06-22-2016, 01:43 PM
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nats Offline
here and there..

Posts: 1,726
Threads: 89
Joined: Dec 2011
RE: *waves hello*
welcome lex and everyone. grieving loss is super hard and takes time, even when it's a positive or intentional loss. we hope you feel able to talk here.
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
06-22-2016, 06:10 PM
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