Greetings to All
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Ursidae Offline
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#1
Greetings to All
Hello All,

Newbie here. I'm actually a significant other to a beautiful girl who is my fiancee. She has both PTSD and DID. I found this site by accident and am grateful for a therapist who suggested another site that led me here. Long story short...I'm just beginning my journey as a SO to a person who had an unbelievably traumatic childhood complete with abuses I didn't know were even possible. My dream girl warned me numerous times to not get involved with her and asked me to run away before I became hurt, financially drained and/or just emotionally exhausted but I just couldn't. I'm stubborn and love for others is a curious thing. I apologize in advance for this lengthy post.

It's been a rough and beautiful ride so far. I'm tempted to say that nobody has any idea of what she has been going through all her life nor could any of you possibly know what I have been dealing with these past few months but after reading many threads here, I think I've found a home of sorts. I'm very tired but remain strong and loyal to a fault. Love is always a force multiplier so I'm rolling with that.

Nobody in our own small world understands what we are going through. Most we can't even tell due to her fears of being labeled as "crazy" and having this affect her. I often wonder how many people exist in the world who truly understand that on the night I proposed, she was less worried about what she wore and ate and more worried about not "switching" so she could remember things as she wanted to for this amazing moment in time. Since then, we've dealt with the blackouts, crying, apologies, mistrust, spite, threats, fear and also, all the good things like happy photos, happy times, and love and caring beyond believe for one another. To be honest, I'm a little pissed at how hard it is to find acceptance, belief and help for what she struggles with on a daily basis. I'm just now fully learning about things like applying for disability, her triggers, integration versus other forms of healing and the costs involved with helping her find peace among many other things. I'm also the first person after many relationships to ever recognize and acknowledge her alters so I'm still trying to make good with them all and decide how best to explain to her what happened during memory losses. Sometimes it's very positive stuff and sometimes it's very hurtful. Just as she is great for making me feel good, some of her alters really mess with my head. When she realizes what happened she is apologetic beyond belief and wonders why I remain by her side. She insists I tell her everything but sometimes her pain at hearing what happened is the hardest for me.

I won't bore you with further details right now but know that a major job loss happened recently. She was doing awesome at a complex and demanding job but now on any given day during this unemployment period, I have to navigate the good, bad and ugly along with the occasional child. Sometimes she co-exists with them; sometimes they are out exploring on their own. I don't see that anybody anywhere has a road map that can assist. We're trying to keep the stress low and the activities up while avoiding triggers that seem to pop up everywhere. Through this all she calls me her "rock" but really, she is the rock. I'm not sure I could have gone what she has experienced during her life and remained the compassionate, loving and caring person she is to all people and animals she comes in contact with-that's the amazing thing and probably consistent with many people who have suffered like she has... I'm in for a long journey with her. I know this. She has been on this journey longer than me though and this gives me strength. We're in for a long journey together.

I'm in love with a great girl that has PTSD and DID and I'm not going anywhere. I hope she joins this site and others some day but until then, I hope you accept me as a SO to a wonderful girl who maintains, struggles with and sometimes embraces what many others here appear to share with her. Any advice/information/suggestions you may have would be appreciated. Thanks again.
01-18-2016, 08:51 AM
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mosaic Offline
just another one of us
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#2
RE: Greetings to All
welcome, Ursidae. it's great to have you here.
01-18-2016, 09:28 AM
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nats Offline
here and there..
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#3
RE: Greetings to All
hi Ursidae,
love the avatar and welcome to MM. we're a small but friendly community, so it's a good place to discuss and ask questions for SOs and multiples alike.

your intro is inspiring. never met and can't imagine anyone sturdy enough to stand by us Smile
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
01-18-2016, 12:01 PM
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Tangled Web Offline
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#4
RE: Greetings to All
Welcome to MM. Hope you find the support you are looking for here. Ask all the questions you have!
"You may not remember what someone says or does, but you will never forget how they made you feel" Mac Anderson.
01-18-2016, 12:34 PM
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FreyasSpirit Offline
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Joined: May 2015
#5
RE: Greetings to All
Welcome. It is wonderful to see partners taking such active steps to learn and help their partner heal. Feel free to ask any questions!
01-18-2016, 05:28 PM
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Dawnmoore Offline
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#6
RE: Greetings to All
Hello. Newbie. My teenager was just diagnosed with did. I'm excited to see there are forums here for her to connect with others her age as well as possibly other parents who I can connect with.
01-19-2016, 01:27 PM
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nats Offline
here and there..
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#7
RE: Greetings to All
welcome Dawnmore!
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
01-19-2016, 03:40 PM
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The People Offline
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#8
RE: Greetings to All
Welcome and congratulations on your engagement. Your partner is right that there will be some tough times but that is true anywhere.

I became unemployed a few years ago when my physical health caused burn out. the emotional stuff got worse and I find it very difficult existing without a routine.

What I find to be most helpful is volunteering. Making a commitment to a place where they might accept some unique days. I once volunteered at a homeless drop in program and did everything from sorting donations to serving lunch. It is the most rewarding thing I have done. And nobody noticed my oddities because they were too busy dealing with life from the outside. I didn't stand out at all! I volunteered with kids. The kids were great, the teachers not so much.

Is there something your wife would like to learn? Is it possible to take a course or something?

Routine is very important for many multiples. Yes I need my couch and PJ days but too many of those and I struggle greatly. All the best. And hope you come back.
I Am My Only Chance For A Hero!
01-19-2016, 08:43 PM
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Ursidae Offline
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#9
RE: Greetings to All
Thank you everyone for all the responses and welcome Dawnmoore. We rescued a small dog recently that has brought some comfort and routine but this being the first real week without her focused on employment has brought many challenges. She bought a journal for to write in and a sketch book to draw more when it gets too much. I thought about routines and schedules and we are working on that daily. It's really tough right now but hopefully all will get better. I'd love to start her on a course or something too. There is a lot of sadness mixed with hostility, resentment, shouting at me and then apologies when things switch back. I think she's doing really good job but any and all ideas to make things better are always appreciated.
01-20-2016, 12:54 AM
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nats Offline
here and there..
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#10
RE: Greetings to All
hi Ursidae,
is she in T? decent therapy is very useful, particularly in the beginning, to help figure out how to be in the world. many people are even able to heal some of their pain with a good T. for home, practice in dealing with triggers is good (e.g. grounding, recognising and finding ways to overcome specific triggers).
Blush Learn how to manage conflict, because the greater the level you can tolerate, the more freedom you will retain - E. Walsh Smile
01-20-2016, 05:51 AM
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MakersDozn Offline
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#11
Friendship/Support  RE: Greetings to All
Welcome, Ursidae and Dawnmoore. We're glad that you've both joined us.

MakersDozn (MDs)
02-01-2016, 04:04 PM
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